


Broken Glitches

by TeenPeaks



Series: AU Sterek Shenanigans [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Allison could have been great and I’m pissed, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cora Hale & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Cursed Stiles Stilinski, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, M/M, Monster of the Week, Mystery, Post-Season/Series 06, Scott is a Good Friend, Stiles Stilinski-centric, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 37,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26217202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeenPeaks/pseuds/TeenPeaks
Summary: He was absent, yet pulling the strings around their lives and they had no idea.He’d found a necklace and now was falling apart.But he was taking reality down with him.Or the one where Stiles is given the power to manipulate time by a necklace. While he thinks he’s going mad he also thinks he can fix where the pack made mistakes, but, surprise: There’s a butterfly effect! Then he went missing for two months in a random forest, unknowingly leaving his friends devastated, to come around in the preserve with no clue what to do and an evil coming after the necklace, and subsequently the pack.(Author acts as a therapist as well as proving you can go deeper than rock bottom)
Relationships: Allison Argent/Scott McCall, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, past Lydia Martin/Stiles Stilinksi
Series: AU Sterek Shenanigans [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939231
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Deja Vu

**Author's Note:**

> Everyones colleges in this fic uses the 4-1-4 system with term times, this may not be what all the colleges each character attends uses but, it helps me set out the fic better. So the term times are September to December and February to May.
> 
> The past is in italics, the present is normal. The timeline might seem messy but I’ll post it at the bottom incase.

It was Winter break, the long hard working hours of the college term had come to a halt allowing everyone to breathe. Stiles knew it meant everyone would be returning to Beacon Hills, he'd be foolish to assume otherwise. the prospect scared him while simultaneously exciting him. Maybe exciting was the wrong way to describe it, it was more an expectant bubble of hope. It made him almost physically gag to think of relying on them to strongly, so he ignored it. He zeroed in the the nervousness around their return instead.

It took him a few hours to muster the courage to actually leave for the BBQ Scott had invited him to. Scott had stopped by earlier in the day to ask him knowing the human had no phone. Stiles agreed immediately figuring if he didn't turn up it he could easily blame having no way of letting the Alpha know. It was being hosted at Melissas home so at least he would be able to ground himself. He'd been failing at that recently.

The idea of mingling with his own pack, fighting off questions and trying to stay sane, terrified him. The McCall house came into view as Stiles drove his Jeep down the vacant road. If he reduced his speed to elongate the journey nobody would have to know. It was too late for him to turn back now, of course he knew that. The entire pack could pick out the rumbles of deteriorating jeep from Antartica with little effort. His fingers shook as he pulled up outside the house so familiar it burnt. The driveway was already filled with cars apart from one that he knew was Allison's which resided on the curb, out of the way of disturbing the other driveways or road itself. He parked behind her, unbuckling his seatbelt. It felt like it had burnt into his skin as he peeled it off and got out, he locked the door and began his way to the front porch. His legs were numbly slow with every step, he reached for his necklace too roll between his fingers. The carvings were cool against his skin and, for a second, he was grounded.

Stiles didn't knock, he didn't need too, because Scott threw the door open and barrelled into his brother. They smiled while clutching each other. The bond being enough for Stiles to finally stop shaking. They squeezed the other tighter briefly before pulling away.

Scott grinned the all too familiar dopey smile reassuring Stiles with a sincere, "I'm so glad you came." before whisking his friend inside.

Until he wasn't.

He felt the coolness of the necklace between his fingers as he let out a deep breath. The ache in his legs increased before the front door slammed open and Scott hurried out to bear hug him. This time stiles didn't match his strength, his grip was looser but the same smile he had before remained.

Scott whined with discomfort, face tighting,

"I'm so glad you came." The crooked jawed boy reassured, this time firmer and somehow more convincing. Stiles kept his smile as he nodded. Scott searched his face, visibly relaxing as he saw the smile. The smile that Scott loved to see, the smile Scott got to see the most, the same smile Scott rarely saw adorn his friends mouth anymore.

As Scott led Stiles inside they had to be spoken between the two as they went further down the hallway. The house screamed at him all the memories that either had happened there or could have happened there if he'd just stayed in beacon hills. If everything hadn't gone so pear shaped. His muscles tightened as Scott turned to him confused as the energy around stiles turned from harbour gray to iron.

"Stiles! It's so good to see you!" Melissa called as she made her way towards him. She politely ignored Stiles' tense demeanour, opting to squeeze his hand as the three of them walked out the backdoor.

Stiles was the last to arrive, of course he was the last to arrive, he should have realised it by the cars outside. He wasn't even sure what he was doing before he came. Last he knew he was trying not to breakdown while staring at the door Scott had left from after asking (practically begging but Stiles was to wound up to realise) him to join. Stiles was too distracted by the nagging voice in his mind telling him it was a last minute invite to notice the desperation in Scotts voice at the time. He was convinced it was a last second thought.

At the arrival of the hosts everyone turned to smile before they noticed there were three people coming outside. He walked out half hidden between both McCall's, a mixture of bitter smiles and kindly narrowed eyes landed on him, studying him. Lydia broke first, because of course it was Lydia. Beautiful, courageous, intelligent Lydia that knew him like the back of her hand would know how must the silence was killing him.

"Well look what the dog brought in." She smirked, painted lips carving the delicate expression in a teasing manner. Stiles wished he had been able to talk to her sooner.

"Unappreciated." Scott muttered to himself with a huff as he walked toward Allison, the hunter tilted her head in faux sympathy before patting his shoulder.

"How have you been? Nobody's heard much from you." Allison prompted, it seemed it was exactly what everyone was thinking from the way they all kept looking at him like predators hunting their prey.

"Yeah it's been ages! Are you okay?" Cora added, nose crinkled as if smelling his anxiety. She scrunched her brows close together before her face relaxed. "Are you okay?" She repeated while crinkling her nose and scrunching her brows again.

"I'm okay, good to see you all. We have a lot to catch up on." Stiles attempted casualness and yet it felt strained, it was anything but casual and nobody seemed to mind. If they did notice they didn't show it.

Soon, Stiles' ears were being passed around from person to person they rambled updates on their lives before throwing them to the next pack member in the queue. Lydia told him about how she was selected by the dean to complete her Bachelor degree earlier than her peers. She found herself getting overly invested in ranting about how one of her sexist professors tried to suspend her for allegedly cheating on every test. He was reprimanded for the accusation eventually but she still will get slightly lower grades if he marks her papers. The strawberry blonde made sure to tell Stiles the other professors would remark them with the deserved 95%-100% score range she deserved.

Cora told him about rejoining the McCall pack along with her brother to honour their mothers sacrifices towards the land she had once loved so much. It warmed his heart to hear her talk about her family so much happier than she once had. He wondered if Derek was the same now.

Mason dramatically recounted a time within the recent months of saving Liam's ass ("Just as you said I would before you left, you were so right! Humans are badass!"). Liam mainly grumbled, every now and then defending himself ("I was being magically seduced by the guy, they had no clue you were with me. Or that you knew what they were doing!"). Stiles found himself feeling falsely nostalgic at how much it reminded him of himself and Scott.

Jackson's father had started his own Law firm in London, apparently it had become successful enough for Jackson to open a branch in Beacon County to honour where he had grown up and his packs land. Stiles was proud of the former arrogant-sport-jock now turned arrogant-lawyer.

Malia recounted how many of the students at her community college had reported her too HR for aggressive or inconsiderate behaviour. His drums began to bang so loudly he would physically wince with each beat. Eventually, while hearing Malia explain why the more recent complaint was made, he returned to clutching the necklace. Her words started to slow as her eyes darted between the necklace and stiles' face. She was eyeing it up with quickly narrowing eyes before her story came to a complete halt. The Coyote looked as if she was going to ask about it when Derek interrupted them.

"How's the toe?" His voice held an essence of serenity in it, as if he'd finally found himself the ability to make peace with himself after everything that had happened. His previous unspoken question, of if Derek had found the same internal relief Cora had, was answered in the undertones of the former brooder. Stiles looked up at him for the first time in just under a year, even Derek's face had softened out.

"The toe?" Stiles tested the words out slowly trying to remember what was meant by it, "oh my toe. Yeah it's fine, turns out it's not hard to live with only nine." He finished, trying to smile at the memory that felt like a lifetime ago. Because to him it was, or it could have been. He had no true idea of the date or time anymore. Not even too sure what year it was.

Derek frowned slightly at the antic but just nodded and went towards the food that was now laid out on a small table.

Everyone gathered together on the back porch, lazy placing their body sporadically and stiles felt a sudden wave of discomfort. He didn't feel like he was there, nor meant to be there. It was as if everything around him was splintered and shards of the moment were scattered. The happiness was easy to spot from everyone from the ease of being around the pack. Due to the joy it was easy to see the one spot where the glee dimmed into a near night like air. Stiles wasn't happy to be there but he knew he should be. He wasn't sure what was stopping him from being able to access the emotion but something was.

Scott, being the beacon of light he usually, even more so after the Dread Doctors and Beast of Gauvudan incident, waved Stiles to sit beside him. He shuffled over slightly so Stiles too could lean against the wooden fence lining the raised flooring. Stiles ran a hand over the new dark varnishing that coated the oak turning it mahogany.

-

_When stiles was finally feeling settled in beacon hills it was Christmas. He had heard from his father that Scott was returning for Winter break in time to spend the holiday with his mother, in turn Melissa had invited both Stilinski men over to had dinner together. She, evidently, was aware at how little the self proclaimed brothers saw each other now and it wasn't hard to see she was cunningly meddling into it. When Noah had told Stiles he'd declared it in a question that left no room for disagreement. The relationship between the two had fractured slightly in result to Stiles self isolating himself. It was a given that the elder accepted Stiles back with open arms after hearing the brief - extremely, painfully brief - explanation why. The lack of detail left space for the hairline cracks to form._

_Stiles had spent the days leading up the the meal in a spiral of relieving the same experiences and buying gifts for the McCalls nd his father. The small amount of money he had saved from his apprenticeship had gone unspent until then so he went all out on his dads present. He'd splurged on a bulletproof vest with 'Sherif Noah Stilinski' embroidered in black, delicate cursive along the left breast, he made sure to request the vest in a colour close to his fathers skin so to the unfocused eye they'd doubt he was protected. In stiles' mind it would make the suspect cocky, he knew all too well that being overly confident is where the mistakes reside. He got a matching gun holder, same material and font except in black. He chuckled to himself when asking for 'top dog's gun' to be stitch along the longest perimeter._

_Eventually the day came, the hours in the day passed quicker than Stiles foolishly ever thought time could go. His father laughed and praised his gift and Stiles knew one the the splints had healed in their bond. When_ _receiving his own gift he tried no to cry, the box held a gun holder (they laughed manically at their similar thoughts and antics) and a desk name plate with 'Detective Stilinski' written._

_"I know the job fell apart at the FBI but you'll always had a desk waiting for you at the station." Noah had said, Stiles' previously unshed tears fell like snowflakes onto his cheeks as he hugged his entire world. The Sherif laughed, "I know you have to be an officer before being promoted to detective but I'm the damned sherif and everyone at the station loves you enough to turn a blind eye."_

_Soon the bright blue daylight fell into the tinted orange dusk and the Stilinski men pulled up to the McCalls. They were welcomed with open arms and the smell of freshly cooked food. They ate and talked as if the past year hadn't happened, as if nothing had ever driven a wedge between them. Scott was as delighted as expected from Stiles' ironic gift of the books 'How to be an Alpha Male' and 'How to make training your pet dog enjoyable' alongside veterinary equipment. He thanked Stiles with a youthful glow in his eyes that Stiles had missed so damned much. Melissa raised a hand to her mouth at the thoughtfulness behind the shoes he received ("I know you hate how much your feet hurt after a long shift so I made sure they would be padded enough and help the shin splints you sometimes get." "Noah, can we swap sons I'd much prefer stiles." "Hey!")_

_Eventually the joyfully merry atmosphere grew dense, Stiles and Scott found themselves in Scotts room having the talk stiles was dreading. They sat on the edge of his bed both facing the wall and distanced._

_"What happened?" Was all Scott had managed to settle on from the various things he wanted to ask. stiles sighed, he couldn't lie as Scott would tell. So he settled on telling him half truths, they weren't lies, he just explained his emotions from previous months rather than the reason behind them._

_"I was...lost, depressed...really depressed actually. It felt easier to isolate myself than ask for help. I was scared of my place in the world, in the pack, in my own future. It feels like I've lost all grasp on time and I find myself being left behind as the hours go by."_

_When Stiles faced Scott he saw his friend already staring at him so so sadly that he wished he could gather the words back up and throw them away. Scott turned his body to fully face him, Stiles mirroring the movement, and grasped the crumbling boy's hands tightly, "Never for a second think that we won't be there for you. You've always been there for us, it'd be about time we got to try and make it up to you. You have an irreplaceable place in the pack and we'd be lost without you, even though you haven't gotten the credit you should get. Stiles you said it yourself when I was holding the flare, you're my best friend, you're my brother. I need you, I love you, and I understand why you did it. I will never not be there for you, with all the past reasons I've given you a reason to end our friendship you stuck by me. Let me do the same for you."_

_"Wow, I've never heard you say so much without accidentally saying something dim-witted." Stiles joked with a broken voice as wretched sobs radiated through him. And, for the second time that day, Stiles let himself feel his own internal despair whole heartedly._

_They spent the next half hour with Scott spooning Stiles as he cried his heart out at the understanding he had received._

_("Aren't we emasculating ourselves right now?" "I don't care, this is what family does for each other.")_

_Stiles came back the next day to find Allison there and Scott treating him the same as he always had, as if Stiles hadn't had a breakdown in-front of him the other day. It was a silent promise of Scott not telling anyone and loving him enough to know this was exactly what Stiles hoped to happen. The trio spent the day catching up - mainly the hunter and wolf - and Stiles listening to the newly reformed couple complain about each others annoying quirks. For the second time that month Stiles forgot about his woes and found the happiness he thought he'd lost._

-

The BBQ was blurry for Stiles, the pack had stayed away from any questions regarding where Stiles had been, he was grateful. The anxiety he was already feeling would have conjured into a panic attack if they had. When the jet black sky was alight with the crescent moon and stars they decided to call it a day. They sang their praises to Melissa for helping Scott grill the food knowing he'd accidentally char it all if left to his own devices. Stiles watched and waited by the door as every pack member left.

The "It was really good to see you again Stiles." He'd gotten from Isaac was the parting that resinated with him the longest. Apart from Derek and Cora's harsh stares that literally screamed 'we'll make you talk eventually' but it ended up being another thing that grounded him. No matter how many issues the siblings resolved or forgave themselves for, they would always be the same grumpy wolves Stiles' adored. Isaacs goodbye hit him due to the uncharacteristic finality in his words. He almost for a second believed he had meant them, he wanted to so badly but that same stupid voice raised shadows of doubt.

After they left Stiles turned to face his surrogate household and tried to smile as realistically as possible.

"I'm glad I came too Scott," Stiles said, patting his shoulder and kissing Melissas cheek, "Your cookings as perfect as usual Mel, I'll see you guys sooner than later." It was a promise to himself more than them.

They deserved to never be on the receiving end of Stiles' self imposed loneliness again.

As he left the house and walked to his car he heard Scott shout after him frustratedly,

"Buy a fucking phone!"

-

Stiles' eyes burned at the early morning light. It was too early but it was easier to manage now he'd had the same routine of waking up just before the bird would start chirping.

Eventually, after summoning the strength to disconnect from his body enough to ignore the ache in his bones, he got up. The simple routine of brushing his teeth and changing had always felt strange. In a town so abnormal and unpredictable, a town that had them all fearing for their lives on multiple occasions, it was odd to do normal things that people his age do. Obviously the 'normal' changed after the town found out about the supernatural with more people getting involved, asking to be bitten, or coming to them for help.

Stiles wasn't there to see the processes the citizens went through regarding understanding and being comfortable with the hidden world showing itself. He did however hear all the stories from Liam, he'd give the bat enthusiast updates and ask for advice of what to do on many occasions. They soon developed a stronger bond than they ever dreamed possible. He wondered if it was still as strong now that Stiles had practically abandoned him.

Stiles didn't even notice how lost in his thoughts he was until he broke surface and saw the clock. The object that had previously said 04:48 now said 12:23, above the date read '4th January 2020'. He mentally high fived his teen self for buying an alarm clock that had the date on it too. As he did so, he found himself blinking rapidly to mentally process the current time. He wasn't even surprised anymore, it was so much of a reoccurring event to lose time that he had to be okay with it. Or at the least he convinced himself he should be. Instead of leaving his room again he found himself perched on his bed contemplating Scotts request he finally buy a phone again. He knew he should, should have done a while back, but he enjoyed the disconnected feeling that resulted from not having one. He decided against it, to leave it for future stiles to worry about, it had been a long long time since Stiles felt like the past, present, and future versions of himself were indeed the same person.

Time marched again, the unstoppable speed left a cloud of dust that Stiles' chocked on. The place it had once been was empty and, once again, Stiles found he'd wasted away another day.

The clock read 19:56. Stiles gave a half hearted sigh before it turned into a surprised shriek. Opening his window and crawling inside was Derek, deciding it best not to ask, Stiles helped him in. The small gesture seemed minuscule once Stiles realised that the former Alpha had a frustrated frown dancing on his plump lips.

"What happened?" Stiles asked, apparently assuming foul play had been the cause of Dereks anger was completely incorrect as Derek pointed a clenched finger towards him,

"Why haven't you gotten a new phone yet?" He demanded, his mossy eyes cut through Stiles like katanas. Stiles tried make the air easy to stand in.

"I didn't get around to it today, been busy, I'm going to do it soon."

"Well how soon is soon? And busy? I bet you haven't even left the house. What are you going to do if you're in danger and have no way of getting help? Or if we want a pack meeting to talk about a threat and you don't have a way of knowing because we can't contact you. What if Scott needs your help and you're not there for him so he gets himself killed, huh?" Derek yelled, face turning rosy as he did so. Stiles felt himself returning to the emotions he'd felt as a child after being told off by his parents. The guilt and acceptance of knowing Derek had a point and he was wrong was unbearable. Sometimes Stiles shut down with the weight of his wrongs, this wasn't one of them. For some inconceivable reason, he felt himself match the emotion and rage Derek emitted.

"Scott wouldn't call me if it was that life threatening and don't you dare bring him up like that. You know I'd never- You know that I-" He cut himself off to take a deep breath and regain his composure, "You're getting worked up for no reason, when I said soon I meant soon. Nothing threatening is in town, there's no reason to worry." Although his voice wasn't raised anymore his tone was still cold and cutting. Derek looked like he had to withhold a flinch at it.

"Worked up for no reason? It's Beacon Hills Stiles, somethings always ready to kill here. But fine if you want to be near suicidal and precarious then I don't care."

"Just because you developed a holier than thou attitude recently doesn't mean you have the right to talk down to me like im beneath you. If anything we both deserve to be spat on, youre just as bad as me. Maybe even worse." He couldn't take back the words he'd spat so viciously but he wished he could. Derek's face actually morphed into one of betrayal before he stomped to the window. He shouted at Stiles one last time before disappearing into the night,

"Buy a fucking phone!"

If Stiles wasn't so shocked at his own words or anger at the now man had left, he would have found it hilarious that he'd heard the same sentence in two days from the most unlikely people to do so.

A headache sprouted in his head, blooming faster than the average seed as the reality settled in, he knew he was out of line. He was so out of order for saying what he said and the idea of apologising to Derek terrified him. It wasn't the act that did so, it was more the rejection he would face when Derek possibly punched himself payback. Stiles rubbed his eyes before opening them to a bright light.

-

_It was the second of February 2019 when Stiles arrived at his fathers doorstep after a fight with Lydia. The fight was stupid, it was too ridiculous for it to have escalated like it did. But, like every teen romance, it was dramatic. He had flown home with only a backpack of clothes, his wallet and phone. Everything else that he could have brought wasn't as important to him as just getting away from the anger, the hate that resided around the young couple after they fought. They both agreed to try giving each other the much needed space to regain the parts of themselves they lost with every yell._

_When Noah let Stiles in, the younger boy was surprised to see Derek sat on the couch with a bottle of beer in his hand. Stiles looked on uncertainly at something he would have put in a 'Top ten most ridiculously unlikely things to happen'. Noah had laughed and asked him to join them, giving his son a matching bottle ("Well you're nearly 21, as long as you drink in the house, who cares?") They spent the next few hours watching TV or having small discussions about the current state of their town._

_Eventually Noah called it a night and went to bed leaving the younger Stilinski with Derek. It wasn't as horrific as Stiles pictured it being. They talked like old friends and it set something off so deep within him that he couldn't even figure out what it was. Stiles found out from Derek that while Beacon Hills knows about the supernatural, Beacon County as a whole didn't. He'd deny it, but Stiles was overjoyed at that._

_"Good, I miss sneaking around behind everyones backs, we were like the shittest ninjas in the world. Fuck, its a wonder we hadn't been caught so many times before, we literally openly yelled about it in school corridors and either Scott or the others turned too. Multiple times!" Derek cracked a smile before heartily agreeing._

_"Don't forget Kira literally absorbing electricity from the cut wire at the hospital in-front of everyone."_

_"Oh I wish I was there for that, it sounds so badass."_

_"There was also the school property damage, claw marks on lockers included." Derek reminded him._

_Stiles held his head on his hands with a groan, "God, we really would suck as ninjas."_

_Derek came back the next day. It was a slight surprise to Stiles but truthfully he had kind of expected it. Apart from Liam and co they were the only pack members there, even if Derek had branded himself as more of an honorary member. Noah was at work but neither male seemed to even notice as they made themselves comfortable on the sofa, similar to the day before._

_After some time had passed the pair found themselves in a comfortable silence. The level of ease they felt should have been strange but it was the opposite, it was as if they'd been this relaxed with each other their whole lives._

_"So why did you and Lydia have an argument that made you run away back here?" Derek questioned, deciding not to comment of the flush appearing on Stiles' skin._

_"Excuse you I did NOT run away, we agreed to distance ourselves so it wouldn't escalate and we could recover and talk about it in calmer states of mind."_

_"Thats worryingly mature of you."_

_"Fuck you dude, I can be mature!" Stiles defended, instead of the expected scolding over calling Derek 'dude' the older man just let out a short, breathy laugh. Stiles looked at him in slight awe, finally studying the way Derek's eyebrows even seemed to be relieved of their usual tension._

_"So what was it about?"_

_"I think we both know the romantic parts died out. We both love each other to death but it's not in a red roses and candles way anymore, more of a cheese and chats way, you know? But we both wanted it to work and last so much that its devastating to have to let go." Stiles explained, he'd thought about it so many times that it was almost natural for him to talk about it. It was only once it had been spoken that stiles realised Derek was the only person he had told this too. He felt uneasy at the candidacy he displayed, for a moment worrying that to was too much information, that he'd said too much._

_"want some advice?" Derek asked, head lolling lazily in Stiles' direction. Stiles snorted._

_"Because you've cemented yourself within the relationship guru community?"_

_"Exactly, plus I'm older so I have an advantage." Derek corrected, unaffected by the Stiles' joke, even going to far as to smirk slightly at it._

_"Lay it on me big guy." Stiles encouraged, throwing his hands up enthusiastically, Derek sighed._

_"Break up sooner than later, you're more likely to stay close friends if you do. The longer you both leave it the more you'll start to hate each other."_

_When Derek finished there was a pregnant pause, Stiles let out the breath he'd held in as Derek spoke. He felt a level of intimacy at how innocently open they were being toward each other, it was addicting._

_"You're right, it just feels like a loosing battle at the moment. It's funny, the idea of breaking up isn't upsetting at all its more how much we wanted to to actually work that is." stiles admitted, averting his gaze from Derek to his hands where his fingers began toying with each other._

_"But you'll get over it and you'll make peace with it."_

_"Did you?" Stiles dared himself to ask, he prepared himself to be slammed into the nearest wall as soon as he did. Surprisingly, Derek just gave him a sad smile._

_"I'm getting there, eventually I'll be there. I've made a lot of bad choices, it'll take time before I'm at peace with them all."_

_"Derek look at me," Stiles starts, turning properly to face the unique sight of Derek's vulnerable side. Derek seemed to snap himself into his usual blank expression when his eyes met Stiles', "Most of what you've done wasn't on you, it's on others seeing you and manipulating you. If you really want to feel stronger with yourself and your future choices find out why you were able to fall into their traps. Identify where your weaknesses and trigger points are and work on either fixing them or learning how to handle them."_

_"I can't believe I'm about to say this - and if you repeat this to anyone I will kill you so gruesomely they won't even be able to identify you - but youre right." Derek's voice held resignation, the threat was as serious as a heart attack, Stiles knew that. But the way we admitted the younger boy was right made said boys heart lurch forward against his ribs. Stiles smiled at him,_

_"Maybe even learn all the tactics used by manipulators so you can spot them better. Thats the only thing really stopping you from being the best you, you know? Fix that and you'll find the right path to recovery."_

_They returned to the same easy silence that had earlier before Stiles found himself speaking again._

_"Derek?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I'd trust you with my life you know."_

_Derek stared at him for a few seconds, trying to hear the lie in his heart and spot the dishonestly in his eyes. When he found nothing he leaned into the sofa, the smile on his face hurting._

_Soon the 8th rolled around, the pair had spent every day together. They easily fell into small bickers, easy conversations, and emotionally challenging topics. Stiles had asked Derek the night before if he'd take him to the airport to which the former alpha accepted, not before making a big deal about how it'd be the last thing he'd ever want to do. Stiles grinned wildly as Derek pulled up, rolled the window down and yelled a gruff "Hurry up."_

_As stiles sat down and got comfortable he thanked Derek for the favour, getting a nod in response was enough to satisfy him. They didn't talk the entire way there, the only words exchanged were as Stiles exited the car. Stiles thanked him again, claiming he owed Derek a favour and Derek rolled his eyes and quipped a sarcastic, "Oh lucky me."_

_Just as Stiles was about to close the door Derek held an arm out stopping it was closing. Curiously Stiles leaned down to see Derek looking at him as if trying to convince himself not to say anything. Eventually Derek resided and said it anyway before driving off,_

_"Stiles, I'd trust you with my life too."_

-

Stiles let out a shaky sigh as he looked at the clock, 12:23, 4th January 2020.

Deciding there was defiantly no time to waste, he left the house and drove to the city in search of a phone shop.

When Stiles arrived back it was only 13:18, he rolled his eyes as his brain scolded him for putting off a task for a whole day when it only took under an hour to complete. In retrospect he didn't put it off for a day, he'd done it but only because he saw what would happen if he didn't. It was 13:58 when he finished the process of setting it up, he thankfully had kept his old SIM card so was able to regain his old contacts and data.

As soon as it was set up be saw the multitude of texts and calls flooding in that he had missed. His embarrassment could be seen by a blind man and heard by a deaf one. He quickly decided to delete his call history, knowing it was easier to ignore messages, he definitely didn't have the mental strength to read them. The knowledge that they were there in the first place was punishment enough currently. Stiles shot Scott a quick text saying he'd gotten a new phone, the response was immediate. they conversed for a few more minutes before stiles said he'd come over soon.

To stiles' surprise he was added to a new pack group chat by Liam who sent a message on said chat claiming he was disappointed there hadn't been one before and it was easier to converse this way. Stiles shook his head fondly and was about to put the device down when a message from Derek popped up.

Stiles furrowed him brows and clicked on it with hesitant fingers,

DEREK: Can I come over?

Multiple things caught Stiles' attention. The first being that Derek messaged him at all, in the past they talked through rushed phone calls, only sending messages when it was regarding photos of dead bodies. The second was that Derek had actually asked rather than just barged in thought his window. It was enough for Stiles to feel guilty about yet another person he had shut out. He held the pendent around his neck in his hand and took a mental note of how different this day was going from before, all it took was finally buying a means of contact. He remembered what Derek had said before, 'What if Scott needs your help and you're not there for him so he gets himself killed, huh?'. He had been right and it had hurt Stiles.

Stiles found himself inviting Derek over easily, as if it were instinctual.

No less than fifteen minutes later there was a knock at the front door, Stiles shook his face with a disbelieving laugh.

Derek Hale was being chivalrous, what a horrifying reality he was in.

He let the older man in and, as if nothing had changed from the week they spend together, they sat on the couch.

"Somethings wrong, that much is obvious. The packs worried about you." Derek finally speaks up, the silence before made Stiles' hairs on the back of his neck stand. It wasn't because it was awkward or uncomfortable, it was in anticipation for the coming discussion. Stiles instantly decided this was definitely better than before but it didn't mean it felt any better.

"Life got hard and I'm figuring it out, I'm fine there's no need to worry."

"Just because your heartbeats steady doesn't mean I don't know youre lying."

"Maybe you're paranoid."

"You don't need to tell me what's happening, just tell me you're talking to at least one person about it all." Derek almost managed to make Stiles' crumble by that. Stiles felt the urge to confide, to confess everything he felt but it was as if the words were sucked away from him every time he tried. After emptily gaping like a fish wordlessly, he gave up and let out a sigh. He tried to fake a defeated look, it wasn't too hard all he had to do was think about how much of an asshole he'd been to his friends.

"I am, someone knows." He settles on. Derek nodded quickly and briefly as if accepting the answer before leaning into the cushions, stiles copied the slump finally able to feel the tension that tore at his shoulders evaporate. They don't talk for a few minutes, both adjusting themselves to their setting and predicament.

"We made peace with our mistakes."

"I could tell, I'm still deciding if im proud, happy for you, or both." Stiles wasn't lying, the proof was clear as day and somehow knowing that the Hales could finally be happy made him hopeful.

"Just be both or we'll be here all day, I don't think I can handle hearing you talk to yourself about it for hours on end." Stiles turned his head to Derek with the same smile that, up until then, he had only been able to muster up around Scott. It caught him off guard how easy it was to do the simple movement. Any residing tension in Stiles' facial features faded and he found himself watching Derek for a second longer than he'd planned.

"I regret letting you know me that well, Hale." Stiles snaps back with no real bite, Derek just grins as if he finds the idea of Stiles being venomous impossible, Stiles winces as he remind himself that the other Derek has seen how hateful he could be, he was just lucky he wasn't presenting himself like that this time.

"My threat from last year still stands about you repeating this, but I'll give you the small mercy of your body actually being recognisable."

"Wow, you really have changed."

"But," Derek emphasised in a weak attempt of being annoyed by the interruption, "I said you were right, and you were. I found my weak points and worked on my reactions to them or made peace with them. Just as you said, the right path came up and I'm...I'm almost there."

"Derek I really am proud and happy for you."

"I enrolled into an online university."

"Oh really, better late than never."

"Thats exactly what I said to Cora when she asked mocked it," Derek smirked as he continued, "When you said to identify manipulation tactics I found a deep rooted love of psychology. Majoring in it now."

"Thanks to me?"

"Yes Stiles, because of you." Derek sighed.

"I know I already said it but I'm even happier for you now."

"I appreciate that, you accidentally help me find something I fell in love with. You actually helped me and because of that I owe you."

"I thought I was the one who owed you a favour."

"Not anymore," Derek snorted before leaning forward seriously, "I want to help you with whatever is going on, you don't need to tell me what it is yet but I'll try my best."

"If I told you we'd end up talking like this when we first met, you would have actually ripped my throat out with your teeth."

"Oh without even hesitating," Derek agreed before moving over to where the DVDs were stored, "Now," He swirled around to face Stiles, "What should we watch?"

"When I feel like this I normally watch Star Wars." Stiles admitted shyly.

Instead of received the anticipated groan or look of exasperation, Derek simply nodded, "Okay, Originals, prequels, or sequels?"

Stiles felt dizzy from the smile he had on his face and the warmth spreading through him.

Stiles fell asleep on the couch near the end of the sixth episode, (they both had agreed on the original trio loft) and when he woke up it was 11am. He had a blanket on his body and the tv was off, DVDs returned where they belonged. Stiles felt the warmth in his chest returning as he snuggled back into the blanket Derek had clearly given him.

His refuge was short lived when a frustrated strawberry blonde barged her way into the house, wildly looking around before her green eyes landed on stiles' slightly cowering figure.

"I was going to wait for you to come to me but I cant, I cant do it okay? I need answers." She boarded along yelling and talking loudly as she plopped herself down next to his body. Stiles would have been a fool to expect Lydia to just take his sudden return face value. He looked at her easily and waited to see if she'd continue. The she didn't he decided to answer.

"I was horribly wrong to ignore you guys. I had reasons but they're just excuses and I don't want to make any of them to you."

Lydia's face morphed into a deep sadness, a deep misery, everything seemed to drop in her body defeatedly, "When we broke up I thought it was mutual, i thought you were okay! You can tell me anything stiles, you know you can." There it was, right glint in the inner corner of her left eye, it was the thing he had always feared to see. It was the self blame she was putting on herself at his actions. If there was anything in his stomach he would have thrown it up by now.

"It was mutual, I never want you to think it was anything to do with that. It wasn't, I swear on my dads life it wasn't."

"Then what?" She cried, eyes glassy with sorrow. Stiles couldn't even process how disgusted he felt with himself, he had reduced Lydia to a body filled with self hatred and primal sadness, he had broke her, "We were talking fine after, was it all fake? Did I do something to change it? What happened?" She was crying now, the desperation in her voice made his heart crumble to as his lungs blew the left over pieces away, leaving them to fall slowly to his stomach. God, he wished there was something for him to throw up so the sickness he felt would disappear.

"I'll tell you okay? I'll tell you what I can, please trust that if I leave anything out its for good reason."

"Please do because I'm dying over here, I keep trying to understand why but I don't...I don't know anything." Stiles' teenage dream of knowing something Lydia didn't was coming back on him vengefully and angrily, of course it would why wouldn't it? It twisted his insides as he reached out to hold her twitching hands.

"I'm about to tell you something only my dad knows, maybe even more than that, and I need you to keep this to yourself." He pleaded, she narrowed her eyes before rolling them in a disapproving response.

"Gee, its not like we kept each others secrets when we dated for two years." She jokes, Stiles face lit up in a serene delight before he started.

-

_The day Stiles realised the romance had died within his relationship with Lydia was in November, the pair were had long passed a year and a half together nearing closer to their second when it happened. When he noticed it, it almost broke him, so he fell into a pit of denial. He knew Lydia had realised as well but, like him, she made excuses for it._

_It was a bleak Monday when it happened, the weather was horrendous. The cold air was inescapable and frost littered the windows. There was no snow, no rain, no wind, no sun. It was as if the weather has simultaneously vanished along with the most important part of a relationship. stiles could have blamed Mother Nature for stealing something he had been waiting his entire life for, for taking something he had worked so hard for, for robbing something he wanted so desperately. At the end of the day he couldn't do it, mainly due to his man made fake sense of ignorance forced himself the believe. The only relief he felt was from when it was obvious Lydia was feeling the exact same way as him. They soon became two best friends forcing something they both longed for but knew could never happen. It was the most heartbreaking part for them both. They were betrayed that their path had lead them to where they were, that fate had decided to give them hope of a happy ending but twist the ending to a simpler, mediocre one. They knew it wasn't as cruel as many other romantic journeys ended up but they still let the melancholy realisation that any reparations they tried would always be useless consume them._

_They finally found the courage to end their tenacious story a month after Derek gave Stiles advice. It didn't end in a dramatic fight, it didn't end in pleas for the other to stay, nor things being thrown around._

_They had been laid out on the couch in Lydia's small flat close to her college when he was visiting her. She was tucked into his hold tracing patterns on his legs while his hands ran through her hair. They had the volume down low, simply finding peace within each other and the contact. Their touches even felt anything but what they wanted, their sexual relationship latest longer than their romance but still suffered the same fate after the initial realisation. Moans felt like sins and trailing fingers burnt demonically._

_Stiles let out a sad sigh, eyes watching the stars burn out the large window plastered behind the small television. As if fate decided to take one more knockout punch, they both knew what the other was feeling. Their denial had turned into anger, when stiles returned from beacon hills it became sadness and they began bargaining with each other on ways to reignite the flame that fizzled long ago. Now in the stages of acceptance they knew what had to happen but hoped it was a little ways down the line._

_Holding the exact same thoughts the girl in his arms had in her head, Stiles spoke up, "We tried." Even that came out defeated, Lydia curled further into him._

_"I wanted it to work, I really did." She admitted in a hushed tone not too different from his own. Stiles kissed her head at the same time she kissed his thigh._

_"Me too Lyds, I was really hoping it would." Stiles' voice was barely above a whisper but she could easily hear it, she knew she would always be able to hear him, to spot him, to need him in her life. He needed her just as eagerly which was why they had to break up, so they would still remain as the people they were before they fell in love._

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

_No drama, no antics, nothing but defeat and understanding surrounded their split. They fell asleep in the same positions on the sofa, waking almost simultaneously with clear heads and complete acceptance of one another._

_It took Stiles a little over an hour to confess he got relationship advice from Derek Hale. From the way she mocked him about it while laughing, he knew they were going to be okay._

-

The emotional toll of his conversation with Lydia came heavy, he ended up sleeping more than he had in months. Unfortunately he wasn't quick to call it sleeping, it was rather a jump in time. One he was used to experiencing. After he had explained a selection of what was happening to him she curled into his body, much like that way she had when they broke up, and comforted him. He accepted the unspoken support greedily and soon his eyes shut. He had no idea how long she stayed with him or when she left him but by the piece of paper she left behind he could guess she stayed as long as she could.

He 'woke up' and read the note in the late afternoon light the following day. Shed written in her neat, careful handwriting,

'I love you, I'm with you, and behind you forever.'

The way his eyes watered and body clenched was indescribable.

Sometime in the evening we was visited by Derek and Cora, the only surprise was that Cora was there.

"Cora? Why are you here?"

"Its always 'Cora why are you here?', never 'Cora why is Derek here?'." She dryly answered before thumping her body down on one of the chairs around the dining table. There dining room and kitchen were merged so Stiles found himself getting a glass of water and leaning on the counter to eye them.

"Yes thank I'd like some water too." Cora quipped, Stiles felt one side of his mouth rise,

"You saw me do it, you know where the glasses are." Cora in response just huffed before dramatically standing and getting herself some water too, she made sure to glare at Stiles as she returned to her seat. Derek glanced between them in amusement, arms crossed together on his chest.

"It's not a bad time is it?" Derek questioned.

"No, I was just going to make some dinner for me and my dad, wanna join?" Stiles replied, the surprise in the siblings expressions made him raise his brows.

"Depends, what are you making?" Cora pondered, tapping her fingers against her glass.

"Just some Chicken Tikka wraps, nothing too special."

"Well I do love chicken." Cora answered, running her hands along the surface of the table and looking up at him. Stiles nodded and turned to Derek.

"If it's no trouble."

"None at all, we brought more chicken then we needed anyway." Stiles dismissed before taking the breasts out the fridge, a chopping board from a cupboard, and a knife from the block. As he cut the fat off and diced the meat he conversed with the closer than ever duo.

"I wanted to ask where you went that got the entire pack so worked up, but Derek told me not too. But I still want to know, was it because you were on the run?" Stiles quickly reminded himself of the way Cora was able to dodge tact and go steadfast into what she really wanted, yet somehow still seeming nonchalant. Luckily he found her query amusing as he rubbed spices on the meat and let it saturate in sauce.

"From the law? Oh no, I would have bragged about that by now." It was true, if he hadn't been changed - if he was still his old self rather than the current version that had been moulded - and had been on the run he would have told everyone and their mothers about it.

A lack of said tact was one of the main things past him and Cora had in common.

"Thats no fun. some of them started theories about what you were doing you know, would have thought you were some missing kid case was with all the ideas." Cora said so slowly that one would have thought she was bored, he knew better and so did Derek.

"Care to share some of them?" Derek prompted, Stiles grew ridged as he heated the frying pan. For some reason he found it hard to believe Derek hadn't know about what his own pack were doing.

"Willingly. As you know, mine was that you were on the run. I think Lydia told you what she thought, her scents all over the house." Cora started, Derek shifted before slumping into a seat adjacent from Cora and letting out a huff, Cora laughed, "Calm down Der."

"She came over yesterday, demanding things not too different from you." Stiles explained, he felt the urge to give them one but couldn't pinpoint the reason why.

"Did you tell her anything?" Derek curiously pondered.

"Some things, she was punishing herself, thinking it was her fault. She deserved to know it wasn't." stiles explained, he knew his voice trailed at the end and that his face became ashen.

"Im annoyed she had a good excuse to know, maybe we should have dated instead." Cora piped in, stiles smiled at her before letting out a huff to substitute a laugh. Cora was happily winking at his reaction.

"Absolutely not." Derek finalised, his posture was tenser than normal and Stiles realised that it was his sister they were joking about, any brother would be uncomfortable. At least he could imagine they would be.

"Calm down, I'm not serious." Cora replied with an eye roll, the pair stared each other down for a little before breaking their hold. Stiles shifted from one foot to another as he took the vegetables for the salad out the fridge.

"Want any help?" Derek asked, already standing and walking over. Stiles felt himself flush, inwardly cursing at his flustered appearance. One glance at Cora was enough to say that she saw and she was loving it all. His eyes fell into slits as he passed Derek the vegetables, asking him to chop them up and throw them into the bowl that was already on the counter. The two boys continued to cook as Cora delved in on him with some of the theories.

"If One is right, can you say yes?" Cora almost begged but held herself back before it would seem like she was.

Stiles tilted his head in false consideration, "No."

"I'm doing it anyway, Isaac thought you'd been murdered."

"Defiantly not."

"Allison and Scott blamed you being overworked and tired."

"I mean thats the only one vaguely close so far."

"Jackson said you got drunk and lost in a random woods, he didn't really bother to give it any creativity."

"Done that before, but no."

"Dereks was that you were lonely and self isolating yourself."

Stiles' hand clamped, of course it would be him that guessed the main factors. For the first time in his life he suddenly genuinely hated Derek for knowing him so well, "I was alone, but no." He knew that correcting her before lying would throw her off detecting the fib. He was right, but in focusing on Cora he forgot Derek was next to him and was looking at him with a sour expression. He heard the lie and now Stiles wanted to combust. Thankfully Cora was full of energy to talk their ears off today.

"Alone? Not make any friends in the force?" Her nosey attitude should have annoyed him more then it actually did, he then swore to himself that he would find a way to muzzle her.

"Nah, too many plain Janes and Johns. Nobody exciting or dubious."

"Of course thats why, sure they didn't just avoid you?" The comment didn't hurt coming from her, he just waved a hand and smiled painfully.

"Defiantly not, didn't want to mingle so I didn't. I met people at events more interesting that I had brief friendships with but never really clicked with them."

"God if you added in being a bully victim id have you pegged as the perfect profile of a school shooter."

"Cora, shut up." Derek and Cora fell into another one of their intense staring contest again before Cora shrugged and looked away, leaning her head on her hand.

"Stiles?" Noah called out as he walked through the front door. Stiles thanked whatever omnipresent being was watching over him as his dad came into the kitchen, visibly thrown by the company.

"Hi Sherif, hope you don't mind we popped over to see Stiles and he invited us for dinner." Cora politely supplied, filling in the questions surely running through the elders mind. Noah processed what she said before kicking his shoes off.

"The more the merrier, Derek, how're you doing?" He asked, turning his entire attention to the person in question. Derek shrugged.

"Better than yesterday." Derek replied with a smile, Stiles threw Cora a confused face as she mouthed back 'its their thing' with quotation marks around the final word. Stiles nodded, still confused but easily dismissing it as the four fell into easy conversation.

When the food was finished Derek and Stiles both started serving it up buffet style on the table before taking seats opposite each other. Stiles looked around at the people at the table as a finger traces the pendant he wore. As he did he looked at Derek to see him looking back in his direction softly. What scared Stiles was how much he found himself wanted Derek to see him and bathing in his attention. What terrified Stiles was the way Derek looked at him, as if he could see everything Stiles was trying to hide.

As the meal fell into a distant memory, Stiles spent the next day anticipating who would be coming to see him next. His prayers for it to be someone he was comfortable with were answered as the doorbell rang. Opening the door, it revealed the cheerful faces of Allison and Scott. Out of everyone he could rely on he knew the young couple would not treat him as breakable. He loved them for their ability to present themselves as blasé. It helped with the transition back to Beacon Hills and, subsequently, the pack more than he could ever thank them for.

As he ushered them in it was difficult to not comment on their excited eyes and painfully wide, teeth baring smiles.

"Okay what's going on? Did you two get high together again, because I swore you promised yourself you'd never go it again after you were caught-"

"No!" Scott interrupted with a beet red face, "God don't ever talk about that again! You promised me dude!"

Scott had kept up with treating Stiles the same while being more careful to show appreciation when needed, and Stiles could never show him how grateful he was for it. Moments like this, where Scott and Stiles were able to interact the same why they had before the bite where so blessed and sacred. Stiles wanted to capture the moment whenever it occurred.

"I promised I wouldn't tell your mum or anyone at school. Buddy, if you haven't noticed, we aren't in school anymore." Stiles snickered, Scott glared at him, which only made stiles happier at the poor attempt to be threatening.

"I will kill you."

"You won't, but ill zip my mouth." Stiles promised as the sat of his couch. Allison and Scott tightly knitted their hands together.

"We have news, youre the first one we're telling outside of our dad and mom obviously but, Allisons pregnant." Scott dropped.

"Youre fucking with me." Stiles breathed out.

"Nope dead as a doorknob level serious." Allison confirmed. Stiles turned to her, trusting her slightly more than Scott as they had phases where they'd pull fake stuff like this on each other.

"Dead as Gerard?" He asked her, her face lit up as she nodded.

"Dead as Gerard."

He processed the news for moment, allowing the excited was to bubble. "they better have the middle name 'stiles' or ill be upset."

"We were hoping for something better..." Scott trailed off.

"What's that?" Stiles asked impatiently, Allison squealed as Scott almost shook with his joy.

"We want you to be the godfather."

"O-of course, I cant believe you chose me.

"Who else would we chose? Jackson?" Allison joked, "We love you, we want you to be apart of it and you're the most blatant choice Stiles."

"I'm so honoured, I cant believe it. How far along are you?"

"Nineteen, nearly twenty weeks. We wanted to make it out of the first trimester before telling people incase I miscarried." Allison elaborated before looking at Scott with so much affection that stiles felt his heart run laps. He allowed the happy emotion in, too tired and too distracted to fend it off.

"I cant wait to see a little McCall- Argent running around." He cooed before suddenly it dawned on him, "God they're going to be a terror if they get Scotts brain."

The future parents just laughed at him in agreement, thankfully Scott was always easy going with jokes at his expense. Stiles' face dropped in thought before looking at them, "Wait will they be part wolf or not because Scott was bitten rather than born."

They shrugged, not caring what the baby was as long as it was protected and loved but the pack

-

_When in the first or second month of Stiles' self isolation, he experienced a time fault more severe than his past ones. He was in his bed before he wasn't, instead he was outside Oak Creek right before the pack stormed the area in search of Lydia._

_"We've done this before, guys. A couple of weeks ago we were standing around just like this and we saved Malia, remember?" They all nodded apart from Stiles who felt as if his world was ending again, "That was a total stranger. This is Lydia."_

_"I'm here to save my best friend." Allison stated, her determination made Stiles want to cry knowing she wouldn't make it out alive. It was cruel for his mind to make him relive one of the worst moments he'd experienced. The helplessness as his shadow double declared the kill order on one of the bravest people he knew._

_"I came to save mine." Scott added, looking at Stiles with the same expression as Allison. Stiles could not relive this, he couldn't. He had to do something._

_"I just didn't feel like doing any homework." Isaac joked, Stiles wanted to laugh at how poorly received it was. It didn't go over the gathered group well but stiles had to admit that he was reliving it, the joke was better the second time around. They all began to go inside when Stiles finally mustered enough energy to speak_

_"Guys wait!" Stiles cried out before they could enter. They all turned to look at him as his breathing got shallower, "Allison should come with me to get Lydia instead of you Scott, she's a hunter so we'll be fine, we could use the extra strength on the outside incase the nogistune has already left the tunnels."_

_They seemed to digest what he said thoughtfully before Scott broke the silence._

_"You're right, Allison you go with Stiles to get Lydia, the rest of us will keep watch and guard you all."_

_"Sounds like a plan." Allison agreed, a wicked glint in her eye as she looped her arm around Stiles' waist to help support him._

_"One more thing," Stiles adds, he figured that while he's hallucinating the painful experience he may as well go full out, "We should let Ethan, Aiden, and Derek fight along side us against the other me. All together. I have a feeling splitting the wolves up is what he wants, so he can have more casualties."_

_"Okay, okay Stiles. I trust your opinion. We'll all fight together from now on okay?"_

_"Thank you Scott, you don't get how much that means to me."_

_His vision darkened and swirled lines of gold and red twirled into his eyeline, the buzzing of a fly sounded in his ears as he was suddenly by the same gate in the tunnel they had found Lydia before._

_"Thank god you're okay Allison." Lydia practically cried, throwing herself over her best friend before looking at Stiles in horror, "We have to go now, the oni are under his control. We could all die if we don't leave now."_

_The two girls took one of Stiles' arms each and together supported his in and out of conscious body to the exit._

_Before Stiles could slip into darkness he turned to Allison, "Ally, your dad broke an oni mask with a silver bullet, right? Nobodies used a silver one against them yet."_

_Stiles passed out before he could see any more, before he could see the results. We wasn't sure if he was grateful or dismayed that he couldn't see what changed due to his interference._

_Stiles woke up in the familiar room of the house he shared with a few other FBI interns. His forehead was slick with sweat and body in just as much pain as he had been that frightful night in Oak Creek._

_He kept to his room, calling in sick to work, opting to focus on regaining his strength and anchoring himself to his current surroundings._

_After a few hours he got a Skype notification from Scott, Lydia and Jackson. He answered, blessing the connection he and Scott that they seemed to just know when they needed something like a distraction. He prepared ways to tell them about his dream but lost his courage whenever he thought of the negative ways they could all react._

_"Stiles!" Scott cheered and Lydia and Jackson both smiled and waved,_

_"Hey guys how'd your Fourth of July been?" Stiles asked._

_"Very un-American." Jackson huffed while Lydia ignored the blond and answered herself,_

_"Boring, all thats happened is papers papers paper. All I do is type of write."_

_"Quit." Scott supplied unhelpfully._

_"Wheres the misses huh?" Jackson asked, Scott looked around himself._

_"She's coming, just getting changed."_

_"Too much information."_

_"You asked!"_

_"So Jackson, how's Ethan?" Stiles questioned, changing the topic as quickly as he could._

_"Why're you asking me? Haven't you guys spoken to him?" Jackson replied slowly, he titled his head as Scott nodded._

_"Yeah, him and Aiden drove to Salt Lake with Danny to let off some fireworks."_

_"Oh thats a long drive." Lydia winced._

_"Aiden? Wait what's going on, why do you know that?"_

_"Because I asked what they were doing?"_

_"No I mean how are you close enough to do that? I thought we stopped talking to Ethan?"_

_"Why would we stop talking to one of our pack? It was literally your idea to have them join."_

_"What?" Stiles whispered, his head started banging just as Scott turn to someone off camera and stood to kiss them, "Mal?" He asked, the idea of a response terrified him but he needed it. He was so confused but of course Malia would help give him straight answers, even if they were blunt and sometimes harsh - she was still a work in progress._

_"Malia couldn't join, her, Derek, and Peter went up with Cora to bond or something." Someone explained, someone who by saying one thing caused the most intense and quickest panic attack Stiles had ever had._

_"Allison?" He wheezed, the brunette knelt into screen and waved._

_"Hey Stiles! We miss you!" She said with an exaggerated pout._

_"Shit I have to go, I'll message you guys soon." Stiles rushed out, barely finishing the sentence before slamming his laptop shut and throwing it to his bed. Instantly his world stopped and before he could know what was happening to him, his phone pinged with a message from the person he thought he had lead to their death._

_ALLY: Its been ages since we saw you!! Was serious about missing you btw!_

_His world had stopped before, but after reading the message his world completely ended._

_It took days for him to accept his new reality. He mainly spent it thinking he was going insane but after multiple calls with most the pack members, even Ethan, Aiden, and Allison themselves, he began feeling less like he was loosing his mind again and more towards accepting the new reality._

_Until he was face with the repercussions. If Allison wasn't dead that meant Isaac never left town, if Aiden wasn't dead it meant Ethan never left either and possibly (judging by what was said on the Skype call) was still with Danny. Jackson and Ethan had never met and gotten together, Jackson returned to Beacon Hills alone and was captured by Gerard alone. Did Jackson even have a realisation that he was gay?_

_The whirlwind of what ifs consumed the pale boy quickly, all he could do was breakdown._


	2. Will-o’-the-wisp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would love to hear what people think of this!

Ever since the Kanima, Stiles had a problem with his nerve endings. Sometimes his fingers would grow numb and nothing he did for the next few hours would change it. It was one of the side effects from the numerous times he was paralysed, he was only human so there was a longer lasting consequence. It was times like that, where his toes and hands were numb, where his body has a light feeling of pins and needles, that he looked at his choices subjectively. He couldn't blame the others for not thinking about how things would effect him but it was frustrating that they didn't even consider his human healing abilities.

He sat on his sofa counting his fingers to ensure he wasn't dreaming anymore. When pressing his thumb s to his finger tips he felt nothing. The firm contact he should have felt wasn't there, instead there was the knowledge of a missing sense. He briefly regretted ever getting himself involved before dismissing it, he would do anything for Scott so he didn't regret it as much. But the nerve damage, the dissociative states after the possession, the mental impact, the lingering emptiness in his heart, the doubt in his relationships with everyone never failed to make his second guess.

The next in the chain of visitors was Malia, it was as brief and strange as he always thought it would be. Since Beacon Hills found out about the supernatural they hadn't spoken as much as they used to, there was no need to. While Stiles used to be her anchor and how-to-act-like-a-person guide he wasn't anymore. People had become more understanding of her quirks (until she went to college) but her anchor became Scott. It made sense, they started seeing each other and Stiles just became a secondary character in her life. They still would do anything to protect each other without question but it was different. Since Allison returned he wasn't sure what had happened with her life apart from their conversation at the BBQ.

"You worry me." Was all she said as she walked in. Similar to how to last time a Hale visited, they found themselves sitting at the dining table opposite each other. It was a seemingly normal arrangement but both knew better than to think it was.

"Do I now?" Stiles bid, leaning back into his chair as his dignity slipped down his body. He knew it was ridiculous to feel like a wounded creature but he almost knew it was done deservingly.

"Don't try a fake that casual stuff with me, I know you too well." She leaned forward with a frown, it was difficult to differentiate the nature of it and Stiles wasn't in the mood to place a bet.

"You do, do you? Mal I'm okay, trust that I'll come to you guys if something is really wrong." He solicited, he needed time to figure out where he was, which timeline he was actually in.

"I don't, I don't trust you'll speak up about yourself," Malia sounded so sure of herself that he visibly winced, "I said I know you Stiles, and I do. I know you don't think highly enough of yourself to do that."

"Well this has been great, what else a kick to the balls?" Stiles wasn't sure if he was offended or not, he wasn't even sure how he thought of himself behind his self hatred. Okay, maybe she had a point.

"Promise me you'll tell us when it becomes too much."

"Mal-" Stiles tried to bargain but she raised a hand to cut him off successfully.

"Promise me."

Any weight that hung from his chest doubled in size, "Okay, I promise." Stiles knew he was being sly but it didn't matter anymore, she implied in the future he should. But it already had. God he wanted to feed himself to the lions from cringing at himself.

The starring role easily shifted to the gentle hum from the lights as the pair took a moment to themselves. For a moment it was like the frustration, confusion and passion slipped from her features to be replaced with disappointment, "Why didn't you at least talk to me?"

"It's not like we talked much before was it." Stiles dismissed, childishly folding his arms but consciously choosing to not mock her.

"What are you talking about? We talked all the time, goddammit Stiles you're my anchor! I thought you left me just like-" Malia cut herself off but it was as if they both understood where it was going, even if she wasn't sure herself while talking - the pause helped her brain to catch up. Left her just like her family, just like Peter had when choosing power over her a long time ago. He let himself think over her saying he was her anchor, why was he-? Repercussions, of course it was the repercussions of Allison being alive and still with Scott. She had never changed her anchor, the role was his and only his but he had been too ditsy to figure it out in the jumble of different memories he'd obtained.

The gravity of the situation set in and Stiles was suddenly drowning in doubt. His self imposed prison walls had a breach and he got it. He got how bad he had let himself get for a millisecond before forgetting again. Forgetting didn't surprise him at all, the blank spots in his mind where the memories should have been did. He knew "I have no excuse, I'm just sorry and I'll try to make things right."

"Okay." She nodded, more to herself than anything. Now more than ever was the slipping control clear, Stiles would have had to be an airhead to not see it. He, in fact, clearly was for not noticing it through the hints. Looking back at their brief catch up at the BBQ, the sheer amount of trouble she had gotten into in college should have sent alarms off in his head. He truly, truly was obliviously stupid for not seeing it.

They had spent the remainder of the time just basking in each others presence. Stiles could tell that Malia was mainly using the moment to steady herself and almost recuperate her control. He wanted to be able to sympathise with her position but due to just being human he couldn't. It almost made him feel guiltier. Quickly after she left he went up to his room and laid down on the bed (the one he knew was his but felt like it should've belonged to a different version of himself). When his head hit the mattress, catching up to his lifeless body, he just stared blankly at the ceiling. It was simple and easy to lose himself in the never changing white colouring. Alas, Stiles realised he couldn't seem to catch a break recently as the bedroom door creaked open and a body lay down next to him. Stiles noticed the persons inhuman warmth first.

"I used to have a popcorn ceiling, whenever I wanted to have a minute to lay down and think id start by counting as many of the bumps as I could to clear my mind." As Derek kept his eyes solely above, Stiles snuck a glance at him while the close proximity made his hands clam nervously and heart race.

"Those are the ugliest types of ceilings." Stiles settled on, he heard Derek let out a bark of laughter, not expecting Stiles to say that.

"They are." He agreed before they returned to focusing on the ceiling.

As the moment fell from present to past Stiles decided to talk before he could register any of his own words, "I think time is jumping around me. It's like I never know what's canon in my own timeline and what isn't," With the absence of any regretful feelings, he knew (that for now) it wasn't something he would beat himself up for saying in the future, "With every passing hour it feels like my grip on reality is worse. It feels like I'm void again."

"For how long?" Derek asked gently, both kept their eyes above as if it would make it all any less real. There was so certainty it really was in the end.

"The past few months."

"If you need someone to help anchor you, I'll do my best to try." Derek offered, breaking his gaze on the bumpy ceiling to prop himself onto his elbow and a shuffle slightly closer. Stiles turned to him with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"You think it'd work?"

"If it doesn't there's other things we can try. We will always, always, be able to try something else." Derek promised, voice careful and barely above a whisper. Stiles blushed and looked into the hypnotising eyes that were already trying to analyse his own. The pair just stared, as if unsure of themselves and the situation ( as if knowing it wasn't the right time) before gradually, ever so tentatively leaning forward. Both of them kept watch to make sure the other was doing the same thing, synchronised in paranoia regarding each others intentions. Stiles' heart hammered and his lips almost ached with the want to meet the man before his own. They could feel each others hot breaths intertwining, stinging the others face. As soon as the mood switched from anxiety to desire, the front door slammed shut hard enough to slightly shake the house. Derek jumped back as stiles curled in on himself.

"Fuck, I'll see you soon." Derek cursed before climbing out the window before Stiles could even process that he wasn't beside him any longer. Everything came together in an abstract like memory so chimeric that he had to pierce his palms with his nails to make sense of it.

"I fucked it all up." He murmured to himself in horror, eyes stinging and one of his hands clasped his mouth. the nagging was back, taunting him in the back of his mind, crying out in excited confirmations of 'Yes you did!'.

-

_Stiles had always experienced depressive episodes, some severe, some minor, sometimes he was wrestling with himself on whether or not to so something foolish enough to kill him._

_When time began to fall all at once like snow, the episodes were constant. They were long, draining and he began to self isolate. Letting himself be the catalyst in his own loneliness. Many things were already his fault, he reasoned to himself that what would another thing really do to the already ever growing pile._

_He did want to be able to confide in people close to him but he knew they would blame it on his recent break up. It wasn't, of course it wasn't but who would believe him? They'd think he was lying in an attempt to deflect the cause._

_The cause? What even was the real cause? He had no idea but he knew it wasn't because of Lydia, nor was it because of anyone specific. Unless he didn't count himself of course._

_He was his own downfall, he did this to time he just knew it._

_Everything was on him_.

-

Liam was the one to call for a meeting, the text came through with spelling mistakes and jumbled sentences so nobody had the heart to be absent. Stiles had been eating dinner with his dad when it came, the timing seemingly perfect as the men fiddled with the remaining meal with full stomachs.

Noah seemed to instantly know as he accusingly raised his cutlery to point in his sons direction, "check your phone, it's gone off three times."

Stiles smiled knowingly and did so, 'we meed ti meet!!' 'it'd urgrnt!!' 'be quick!'. He looked back up at his dad trying to convey an apology through the look, "It's Liam, wants a meeting."

"A pack meeting? Been a while hasn't it?" The sheriff huffed lightly, the twinkle of joy from seeing his son slowly participating in his pack shone bright in his eyes. Stiles shrugged easily and soon found himself on his way to Derek's loft, Scott had made sure to actually ask before meeting there for the first time ever. Stiles was sure that the only reason Derek and Cora agreed was from the shock a well-mannered Scott usually got when he actually tried.

"Is everyone here?" Lydia asked out hoarsely as Stiles came into the loft, he made his way over the the empty spot between her and Allison silently thankful it wasn't near Derek. Lydia looked as if she had been dragged there by a rope. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, eyes absent and skin almost sickly.

"Now that Stiles is here, yes." Mason confirmed retaining his usual persona of, quite frankly, amazed and curious, he shared a strangely pensive look with Liam before the ball of explosive anger looked at the pack before him.

"Something was off in the preserve last night."

"Something was off? What do you mean?" Allison prodded, resting her hands on Scotts shoulders as he leaned back on the floor to sit between her legs.

"I- There was a strange scent like decay and vomit, then I felt like venting around me completely ended. Then I was back at the front of the preserve with no clue how I got there." Liam elaborated, tone shifting to distressed pitches every so often. He only got confused expressions in return of the glitchy explanation.

Isaac, who Stiles hadn't known was there until that point let alone back in Beacon Hills, cleared his throat, "Maybe you just ran back in fear and forgot how you got there."

"Like instinctually?" Liam questioned doubtfully, his eyes betrayed his voice as they widened with a thirst for any sort of explanation.

"Maybe."

"Any ideas Stiles?" Cora challenged and it occurred to Stiles that while he had become sort of a wild card in the pack they still respected his opinion. At least Cora did, but by the amount of patient looks he gained it was clear it wasn't just her.

"No, I'm not really in the position to help really." He decided steadily. It wasn't a false claim in the slightest.

"What do you mean?" Malia asked, stepping away the the pillar she had been leaning against.

"I can barely grasp reality myself let alone think about Liam losing his for a bit." He admitted with a sudden focus on twiddling his thumbs.

"You've felt it?" Liam slightly pleaded, desperate for a sense of acknowledgement that he wasn't just going insane. Stiles was a coward for still being too nervous to look away from his hands.

"Not what you said but close."

"Liam tell them the rest." Mason spoke up quickly before anyone could fully process what the first human pack member had said. Liam made a hybrid sound of an 'oh' and a hum.

"Right. After a few minutes of freaking out I walked back in-"

"Like every great 'final girl' before you." Cory snickered Isaac curling his upper lip in an agreed amusement. Stiles then decided to look up, having not noticed Cory was there either, and took note of everyone in the room. The previously usual McCall Pack (himself, Scott, Allison, Lydia, Liam, Mason, Malia and Cory) was there along with Isaac, Jackson, Derek, and Cora, all of them were practically the McCall Pack at this point, as well as Theo. Stiles did a doubt take and looked back to where Theo sat lazily on a low table. Stiles was too wrapped up in disbelief to actually appreciate the Hales finally furnishing the loft after long years of bare floors. He didn't understand why Theo had been accepted by Liam, well he did but he still didn't see the need for him to be in affiliation with them.

Liam scowled at Isaac and Cory before continuing, "Anyway...I saw Lydia standing by a tree crying and she wasn't moving. I couldn't snap her out of it for ages and when I did she pointed behind me. I looked and we were both standing opposite ourselves mirroring each other." Liam shivered at the memory and pressed his lips into a firm line, looking around expectantly. Stiles shifted around to look at Lydia,

"Lyds, are you okay?" The question seemed too simple and unnecessary, the answer was obvious. It was written in large letters all over her demeanour.

"They were there just looking at us just as scared, doing exactly what we were doing. Same clothes, same faces, same everything." She gasped between shaky breaths, Stiles reached for her hand tightly.

"How is that possible?" Scott muttered to himself, clearly shaken by the recount of events.

"We could ask my dad, either him or Deaton, they might have heard of something similar?" Allison supplied helpfully, a collective hum of agreement cascaded the air.

"You said about feeling like reality glitched, maybe you saw alternative versions of yourselves?" Cora wondered catching everyones attention. Liam instinctively nodded along with her and looked at Mason, they had a silent conversation between themselves while Scott and Allison bounced people they could try to get information from off each other. Stiles sank into the seat, feeling the soft cushions absorb him, and soon he was suffocating.

"Can't the supernatural just stop at were creatures?" Isaac complain half heartedly. Stiles couldn't breathe, knives stuck out of himself with no patch of skin left unharmed.

"Maybe the nogitsune's back." Theo weighed in. All miniature discussions came to an abrupt halt.

"The nogitsune is what?" Derek heaved thunderously, for the first time that day Derek and Stiles looked at each other. Their previous awkward encounter long forgotten within the shock and concern from These easily spoken question.

"And what? Took their image?" Jackson asked mockingly, Stiles' breath hitched at the defensive attitude as the half-beta half-kanima moved closer to him.

"Just an idea, or are we forgetting Stiles admitted to knowing exactly the feeling Liam described felt?"

"He's right buddy, what did you mean by that?" Scott warmly queried, Stiles could have been sick at the worry behind the heat within the sentence. Stiles opened his mouth to find something, anything to say in defence or in explanation but nothing came out.

"You said you felt something like what I did." Liam stated in a hidden prompt to help Stiles find the groundwork to build his answer off.

"Like you can't grasp what is or isn't happening. I don't remember some parts of my days sometimes." He divulged steadily, not fully knowing how to describe the relationship that he and reality had. Allison's head tilted in consideration,

"Like blackouts?"

"Maybe." He sighed leaning forward, elbows on his knees to support the weight of his body and the situation he was in.

"Doesnt this all seem familiar? Stiles blacking out, the strange scent, the feeling of doom and something coming." Theo continued to elaborate, it was hard to tell if his intentions were malicious or from a place of concern for the packs safety.

"It doesn't mean it's him." Stiles defended, anger stirring in his core as his fists clenched. He dug his nails into his palm to regain some control as his jaw kept clenching and unclenching. Only he knew the true extent of everything the dark fox had put them through, the fearful part of him held him back from hinting towards it. He was scared it would be used as explicable proof the spirit was back.

"It doesn't mean it's not." Theo countered.

"We trapped him, we practically killed it."

"Because everyone and everything always stays dead in this town!" Theo yelled throwing his hands up as an exasperated smile spread along his face. The edges of his lips his previous demeanour of concern, he was enjoying it, he was enjoying rilling Stiles up. Stiles felt so brainless, it was working easily and clearly, his rage reaching boiling temperature beneath his skin as he stood up. At his movement Scott tensed with astonishment while Jackson and Derek mirrored the human, preparing for the worst.

"Well I mean you couldn't even stay underground." Stiles snarled, the perimeter of his vision started singeing, the smoke in his head pounding and an inferno ablaze behind his eyes. His eyes found Derek's again, his internal conflict simmering at the others evident unease.

"Stiles, nobody is trying to accuse you-" Scott started, Stiles' eyes snapped to his best friend in bewilderment. A wince escaped him as his fury burst

"Are you seriously taking his side? Again!" Stiles almost screamed, thoroughly betrayed once again Scott was misplacing his faith. He found himself looking to Derek in a bid for his opinion, he'd been doing it for years now - putting his trust in Derek to know what to do. From the way Derek was scowling he eased himself slightly, thankful that someone he thought highly of believed him. However it didn't take away from Scott's clear doubt.

"Theres no way to prove he's possessed." Lydia snapped at the true alpha and former enemy, the frustrating topic seemingly aiding in bringing her back to herself. Stiles tensed every muscle in his body to keep from doing something that would only help Theo's point.

"Theres no way to prove he isn't either." Liam added on autopilot completely unhelpfully, he slightly shrank back at the glares Cora and Derek gave him, their look transmitting a threat to stay away from the idea.

"Come on, it's far fetched." Cora snapped, folding her arms together in a tense show of defiance. Derek just stayed still, observing the scene calculatingly.

"We said that originally and look where that lead us." Scott mumbled. Stiles stared at him, the urge to just self destruct becoming too much, he needed to get out of here, he couldn't stay.

"Stiles, you won't even tell us where you've been the past few months." Theo added gently, the chance of pace drew a scoff from Jackson.

"Theo!" Allison cried out in distain, eyes frazzled and darting between members as if deciding who she agreed with and who she was horrified at.

"I say I blacked out and get accused of being the nogistune again? Do you guys honestly have to question why I wouldn't tell you?" Stiles slowly spoke, the wait was said tasted bitter and deadly, before storming out the the loft. He didn't attempt the shut the door behind himself as he flew down the stairs.

-

_It was around nearly a year or so into Stiles' training when the idea of describing the FBI as 'a piece of cake' changed into being 'a piece of cake except you're allergic and surprise! It's also a bomb'. He was driving back to his accommodation after a particularly gruelling day of observing a few autopsies when his hands began to tingle. It could only be described as a dull pins and needles sensation, not far off how carpal tunnel would have felt. He scowled and tried to wiggle his fingers without taking his attention off the road or hands off the wheel. Instead of relieving the feeling, it spread throughout his whole body and he was stuck in a mid panic attack. The experience was almost frightfully exact to what he'd endured when possessed by the Nogistune._

_Stiles saw, out of eyes that didn't seem be his own, as he drove past the turning he should have taken and he rode for seemingly hours until the city had faded and long roads through sparse fields began._

_Whatever had taken over Stiles vanished when his engine cut off outside a small woods he had never seen before. It was then that his panic attack came as swiftly and instantly as a tsunami and, within mere seconds, he passed out._

_When Stiles regained control over himself it was long pass the hours to be awake and he was tangled in the hours witches would wait for. The consternation of terror settled his mind and, without thinking twice, he left his vehicle. As he walked outside and locked the door he felt the air. It cooled him from deep within his blood stream and with every step he took he felt, for the oddest reason, right. As if he was completing a task destiny had set out for him. He knew it sounded insane, he knew it sounded crazy, but it was the only way he could describe it._

_Soon the first layer of trees surpassed him and he found himself lodged deep within the gloomy woods. The normal fresh green colours of the surrounding area gave way to a dark blue tint. It was surreal, as if he had stepped into a painting rather than an actual place. His mind gave way to the stampede of memories from when his mother would take his hand carefully and guide him through the preserve back home. Her soft voice hauntingly reminding him of the dangers that lay within the enormous perennial plants but still taking him through._

_Most of Stiles' memories of his mother came from surrounding triggers. Sometimes he didn't seem to remember much of her, other days all he could think about was her. On the days he couldn't every now and then something would pop up that was all to familiar but the lack of memory made it hard for him to understand. Their ventures in Beacon Hill's preserve started only after she started succumbing to sickness making the fact he followed her when she asked all the more dangerous. But, what else was he to do, he was just grateful and fond of spending time with her that he would have done anything she'd asked._

_So Stiles would sometimes see her in something. In this case, and in most cases, it was from the tall trees that stood against the moonlight, like soldiers territorially attempting to defend the ground from shining. He could almost feel her palm in his as he continued on, he was being led by a simple ghost of a memory. He knew he was but he couldn't find it in his heart to try to snap back into reality. It felt like he was eligible to loose a part of her by ignoring her guiding efforts. She dead, Stiles' knew that much, but as for her whereabouts now she'd passed he had no idea. It was a taboo topic within his household and it always had been. Part of him knew it was unfair but another part of him understood why, he too wouldn't want to talk about such a loss._

_Stiles almost lost a part of himself in the feeling of her presence, but as soon as it was there, it disappeared. Reality struck as he came to himself and saw only the wilderness. He tried to ignore the heavy ache that weighed down on him as he studied the area. He always tried to ignore the part of himself that longed to have his mother back in his life. It seemed easier that way, to pretend it wasn't there. But times like this, moments like this, he was forced to accept the missing space in his life._

_He knew it was a mistake to come here, now he knew exactly why, he hadn't even meant to come here and yet he was._

_Something in the light caught his eye, hanging from a low branch was a necklace with a pendent. Curiously he reached out and saw the pendent had a carving of a witch being burnt. For a moment he could have sworn he heard the faint sounds of screaming and the crackling of fire._

_He ran back to where his jeep was in a blind panic. He barely even noticed the cold weight on his chest and the same birds flying past him twice_.

-

It took twenty minutes for his house to be bombarded, Jackson and Scott catapulting through his door with Scott firing waves and waves of sorrowful pleas. At first Stiles just stared blankly, to empty of any kind of empathy for the clearly distressed wolf. Jackson sighed, a noise so suiting to him, "Stilinski, you should listen to Scott."

"Listen to what? Him saying sorry for not trusting me, for not believing that if I was possessed again I would have found a way to warn the pack?" Stiles retorted in a high pitched, mocking sweet and southern tone that both wolves flinched.

"I do trust you! Of course I do, I would do anything for you.I'd even leave Allison if it really came down to it!" Scott declared, with a passion so pure that Stiles hissed at the sting, before his eyes pulsed and his voice changed to a whisper, "God don't tell Allison I said that but it's true."

"I can handle Theo throwing accusations like that around but you agreeing with him felt just like senior year all over again." 

"Are you still mad about that?" It should have sounded like a snide comment from Scott but it was as innocently spoken as expected from him.

"I'm not, I just never imagined it happening again so when it did- why did you even entertain it?"

"Stiles do you know what the Anuk-Ite took form of for me?" Scott paused as Stiles shook his head curiously, "It was void you, it changed between that and the nogistune because everything that happened then terrified me. My biggest fear was loosing you, not being able to stop it while it possessed you and almost killed you. I'm sorry, im sorry for implying it was happening again. We need you to help figure this out, I need you to help me."

Stiles took a minute to consider the words, all his fight draining from him and being replaced with plain exhaustion. He gave up on his residing issues with Scott and gave in to his hope that Scott would learn from his past mistakes, "Okay."

"Oh thank god." Lydia sighed from the doorway, stiles hadn't even noticed the feminine outlines of the banshee and Argent watching the scene before them. Stiles rolled his eyes, any heat from before gone, before squaring up to Scott.

"I expect an epic, I mean it, epic gesture from you to forgive you fully." 

"Of course! A meal? A movie?"

"I'll think about it, let's go." 

As they went back to their respective cars, Jackson and Scott riding in the jeep due to running there, Allison paused.

"By the way Scott I heard what you said," the colour in Scotts face drained slightly before Allison continued, "I support it." She stated with a toothy smile while closing the door to her and Lydia's ride back to the meeting.

When they arrive back the the loft Stiles felt a played embarrassment from his overdramatic exit, Scott put a hand on his shoulder and left it there helping to reassure his anxious friend. Entering the loft for a second time that day gave Stiles the opportunity to truly appreciate the furniture and renovations. On the right side of the large windows there was a small open kitchen, the left side still home to Derek's bed. In front of the windows was a large dining table, before the table were the sofas and a small television acting as a makeshift barrier between the dining and lounging areas. There was a large sofa, its back to the door with two loveseats on either side all facing the coffee table Theo was had returned back to sitting on. There was an armchair asymmetrically placed on one side of the TV. Stiles wasn't able to wonder to himself if Derek or Cora took charge in decorating as everyone smiled at him, it reminded him of the BBQ especially as he was walking behind everyone who was returning. Allison grabbed his hand and lead him to one of the loveseats where they easily moulded together comfortably as Liam straightened his back authoritatively.

"So you were explaining what was happening to you, no interruptions this time." Liam ordered with a pointed glower in Theo's direction. Stiles let out a slow exhale as Allison's fingers played with the hair at the nape of his head, he couldn't tell if it soothed him or made him feel child-like.

"Look I'm just saying what you're all too scared to admit, it's still a possibility." Theo argued lowly however a hint of his self doubt peaked through the clouds of his stubborn attitude.

"Theo stop it." Derek demanded, he had been unconsciously taking steps closer to the loveseat stiles and Allison sat on in an attempt to convey protection over the human.

"No, maybe just maybe Stiles is void again."

"Don't think I forgot how hard to tried to bring him back to join your ideal pack." Stiles warned, voice darkened in a way the pack wasn't yet immune to.

"What does he mean?" Cora asked, both boys ignored her.

"Where were you Stiles?" Theo interrogated, he hadn't even moved from his seat on the coffee table. Clearly unaffected by how rilled up Stiles was getting and the disapproval the others felt at his actions.

"None of your business." Stiles sneered, trying to focus on Allisons soft touches to steady himself but it only went so far.

"Where were you, why aren't you at your job, why are you here and not at the FBI?"

"Theo stop it." Lydia snapped, perching herself on the couch arm closest to Stiles protectively.

"What happened Stiles? Why are you here?"

"I-" Stiles stumbled with watery eyes, Derek moved to beside the table, closer to Stiles than Theo.

"You what, huh?"

"They let me go! Fuck! Something happened and time started to jump around and I can't...I can't fix it." Stiles stumbled out, completely out of any energy to fight Theo off any longer. He was aware the way he said the sentences didn't show how they were linked but he didn't care, there was no reason for him to explain why he was let go.

"What happened?" Derek asked gently, he had the expression of someone who accidentally walked in on someone changing. He looked guilty from the forced venerability and lack of control Stiles' should have had when opening up.

"I found a necklace, and it was like Liam felt last night but the world stopped and I dropped it before leaving. Everything been fucked up ever since." The feeling of a weight being lifted off his shoulders was absent, 

"What did it look like?" Malia weighed in curiously. Stiles eyed her exquisitely as he shook his head in small motions, he tried to recall an imagine of it in his mind.

"Bronze, thin chain and a pendent on it with the carving of a witch being burned at the stake." He recounted with a questioning tone but as a statement. He felt unsure about the description, he was only certain of the picture detailed extensively on it. It was hard to forget the goosebumps that it gave him when the image was sheered into his brain.

"You said you dropped it right?" The coyote pushed on, Stiles let out a frustrated huff at the full, round circles she was trailing.

"Yes!"

"Then why is it around your neck?"

Stiles' mouth fell open and mouth dried within an instant, "Seriously?"

"You've kept touching it the past few days."

"theres no way..." He started before reach up, Loe and behold it was around his neck. He hadn't even noticed it was there. He felt himself drastically drop, like a falling elevator as he realised that it had always been around his neck. God, he clutched it and fondled it like it was an anchor most days. How had he not even realised? Jackson, Derek and Scott glanced at each other and gave slight nods of affirmation.

"We need to talk to Deaton."

-

_In mid August Stiles went back to see if the necklace was still there. Instead we felt the sensations he had gotten used to whenever jumping. The veins in him replaced themselves with lava and everything burnt for a moment. His head constricted and he fainted on the green debris covered dirt._

_Stiles woke up to broad daylight._

_The sun burnt his eyes as he scanned his surroundings, but instead of the woods just outside Washington D.C he was in a place so familiar he could walk the entire place whileblindfolded with ease. He was back in the preserve. He was back in Beacon Hills._

_Stiles tried to think back at a time in his past where he'd woken up in a similar predicament but came up short. From the state of himself it was clear he'd been there for a long time. His own stretch was eye watering, his stomach cried and twisted up in agony, he was exhausted. This seemed like a moment he would have remembered but he didn't trust himself to retain the memory._

_Deciding the best course of action would be to find the days date to spark any recallation, the young man exited the woods. It must have been early in the morning as the streets had yet to harbour the flurry of citizens occupying them with set goals and journeys. The confirmation that it was indeed early came from an unclaimed rolled up newspaper on someones yard. Stiles didn't hesitate in taking it, hurrying off before anyone had a chance of catching him do so. He unrolled it. His heart stopped._

_19th December 2019_

_He hadn't travelled back, instead, he'd travelled forward._

-

"its a Celtic Coven's 'do over' necklace, it gives the user the ability to fix wrong doings by granting a second chance. Mostly harmless, unless you do something in the past that causes a worse outcome." Deaton explained while examining the necklace, still around Stiles' neck, between his hands. stiles felt himself groan at how typical it was that answers from he man always caused more questions. 

They had waited until the next day to go to the Vet's house (actual house!) to enquire about the necklace. Stiles was apprehensive to the idea, Deaton had never given him a reason to not be. The man had seemingly been so determined to stay mysterious that he never helped Derek even after allegedly promising Talia he would (even helping Scott plan to use Derek’s abilities, without consent, to bite Gerard). Nor did the man really answer anything they needed to know, even when he knew lives were on the line. The point was that Stiles hated the need to go to him but went anyway in a bid to appease his friends. He was accompanied by Mason as a stand in for Liam, Derek, Scott, Allison, and Jackson. The others either not needing to be there, or having something else to attend too. 

"Then why didn't I know I was wearing it? I sometimes know I have to on when I don't think about it which makes no sense. And why do I keep getting glitches in time?"

"The other day you said time was jumping around you, you meant that literally didn't you?" Derek asked, reflecting on the previous day. Stiles bit his lip half embarrassed, half nervous and nodded.

"It seems to have attached itself to you, imprinted to put it simply. When did you find it?" Deaton asked, he had started to draw in a notebook the symbols on the back of the necklace as well as the etching on the front .

"Around May, after a couple days it just felt like I'd get intense deja vu. I started going back to certain events as my current self but in my old body. Sometimes I can help, sometimes I cant," Stiles felt his voice waver and he brought his legs to his chest and his eyes glanced quickly over them before avoiding their stars, it stung to see the mix of wonder and concern their eyes held,

"You nominally time travelled however you did what the necklace was made for. Some points you really were able to redo and change what happened I'm guessing."

"Sometimes." Stiles admitted, careful to not give into the urge to glance at Allison.

When Stiles finally did give in he made an effort to do a sweep around everyones faces with blank eyes. He couldn't help the lingering gaze he had on Derek. Deaton asked a question as he did that perplexed him, "Was it in this current timeline?"

Stiles paused to consider it, he couldn't answer. He genuinely couldn't answer the question which wasn't a surprise to him (he'd spent countless hours thinking about what he'd done in each timeline but to no avail) but it somehow still threw him. Overwhelmed with a sense of self-hate, he started to beat himself up for not keeping track better and instead throwing himself into another situation he couldn't actually handle. He looked at the floor before replying honestly, "I don't actually know."

"What about the other timelines?" For some reason Deaton had the face of someone who understood exactly why Stiles didn't know, the man appeared to see straight through him. It was unclear whether he actually did or if he just looked like he did but it was still unsettling.

"I don't know want to talk about it."

"Its not our current lifetime, what's the harm?" Mason attempted to reason which just straight out annoyed Stiles. He couldn't understand why the pack were so oblivious to how he was trying to save them from any pain, why they were so desperate to not see reason. It hit Stiles then just how true that was, they'd never done it before and clearly never had to so of course they were curious. He hadn't realised just how untrusting he was of the pack until then, jumping around events showed him their flaws and changed his opinion on many things but god, he wouldn't abandon them for the world. They were his pack.

"You really don't want to, or need to, know." Stiles pleaded, eyes darting to the others in a silent request to help him. 

"Not even just one example?" Mason pushed again, blind to the blatant desperation thrown his way.

"I said no okay! I don't want to talk about it, some of them I don't even want to remember." Stiles quipped, just grazing hysterical. He took a strong breath as the boy held his hands up in surrender, any other questions about it on the others tongues were swallowed.

"Perhaps you shouldn't push him, the past is difficult and complicated to interfere with. I'm sure Mr Stilinski had to learn that the hard way am I correct?" Stiles closed his eyes tightly when giving Deaton a firm nod in confirmation, "I'm sure you all know about the butterfly effect, its exactly like that. It was extremely lucky that you were in your past body when you travelled. Many past owners of necklaces like that don't get that luxury."

"If it's not dangerous then why did Liam and Lydia see themselves and feel scared outta their minds being there?" Scott asked, the alpha clearly showing signs of growth with finding inconsistencies and building questions from them. Stiles was almost proud he'd at least changed in some aspects before backtracking on the thought instantly, Scott had developed a lot since the bite so it wouldn't be fair to not give him credit.

"Traditionally the necklaces are protective, it could have been aiding you."

"Like something that was trying to attack them felt threatening to the necklace, if it's attached to Stiles it might be to the pack?" Allison asked, building of Scott. The two overtime had truly become a unit over the years which just broke Stiles' heart. This, for him, was a punishment worse than death for how he at first abused the ability to change things. 

"Like it felt the bond? It would make sense, Liam going back to his 'check point' so to speak and getting a distraction when trying to go back in. It doesn't explain why Lydia was there though." Stiles thought out loud, pointedly ignore the shared grin and high school sweethearts gave him. Sometimes he found himself lost in the timeline he was in, sometimes he was so aware that doing too was dangerous and lead to hurt. Currently he was treading through the conversation with the mind frame of the latter. Looking at their pleased faces at how the trio bounced off each other would make it hurt more if he was forced into a long distance time jump.

"Mason, did Lydia say anything we missed out on hearing at the loft? Anything at all." Jackson added in, folding his arms across his chest as raising his chin. The man never wavered when it came to trying to assert dominance and it always amused Stiles. Stiles looked at Derek who was watching with that same calculating expression, it started to scare stiles. It made him wonder if Derek was actually able to figure out every point Stiles had ventured to, even though it was highly unlikely.

"Someone screaming in pain and the sound of burning wood." Mason recounted in concentrating. When finishing the sentence he looked between Stiles and Deaton, the only two that could even give a decimal of an answer.

"Thats exactly what I heard when I first found the necklace." Stiles admitted eyes flittering around the room, uncomfortable with resting anywhere.

"What if it's not trying to protect us, but itself instead. if something in the woods was a danger to it and you could have lead it to Stiles." Derek spoke, breaking his silence. It opened up a floodgate of theories and inquiries. Stiles nodded, thinking it over 

"You've had to fight things in Beacon since May right?" Stiles waited for Masons nod to continue, "Shouldn't this have happened before then if it was protecting the pack? Derek might be right in the necklace itself being threatened." He looked over to Derek surprised to see Derek looking back in a soft way. They truly had come a long way since they met, before they would have been competing slightly to outshine the other but now they were adding to each other, using the other like Allison and Scott did. It warmed Stiles in a way he didn't get yet, and wouldn't get for a while even after their near kiss. He had been trying to convince himself they both got caught in the sentimental moment and their proximity. 

"So somethings looking for it." Jackson concluded looking around pointedly before landing on Deaton who had been rather reserved for the conversation.

"Whatever it is, if it was able to make Lydia like that and have them see themselves as a defence technique, it has to be really bad." Mason shuddered bringing his hands to rest in his armpits comfortingly.

"We need to assume they know Stiles has it," Scott quipped before turning to the person in question, "You shouldn't be left alone, can you stay with someone?" stiles didn't know if he should feel hurt he hadn't offered but instead threw the request away for someone else to pick up.

"He can stay with me and Cora," Derek rendered with a stoic expression before it faltered incredulity than settled on indifferent, "I mean we have more than enough room." He added defensively, it reminded stiles of the Derek he met so much that he was scared to accept.

"Why am I starting to feel like a damsel in distress?" Stiles submitted rhetorically as the others broke into amused faces.

"Right, right. you're a damsel, you're in distress, but you can handle it." Jackson quoted with a smirk and raised an eyebrow in a butchered recreation of Meg's face in the scene.

"I'm going to ignore the reference and I'm not a damsel, I'm a dude!" Stiles exclaimed, not even shocked that Jackson was able to think of it so quickly.

"Sure, sure." Jackson chuckled resulting in Stiles turning to face his entire body towards him threateningly.

"Do you really want me to have to reassure you?"

"Yes please."

"Please, let's not." Scott weighed in shaking his head at the antics disappointedly. Both boys, unaffected by the ashamed parental tone of voice, locked eyes and shrugged.

-

_After finding out he'd travelled forward he runs to dad's house, knocks and Noah opens door_

_"I'm going to hug you because I'm so glad you're okay but while I do you better have a damned good explanation for where the hell you've been."_

_"I, I cant explain it dad. I don't know."_

_"You don't know. How the hell do you not know when you've been missing for months? The only reason there isn't a witch hunt out for you is because your pack convinced me you were just overworking! Stiles, where the hell were you? Don't you dare say in D.C because we both know thats a lie, look at the state of you!"_

_"I'm sorry dad I just, I don't know I really don't."_

_"I'm tried of doing this with you son. I thought we had no more lies between us? I'm so disappointed but I'm relieved you're safe. Come inside, shower, eat, sleep, and change. I'll see you after work."_

_As soon as the door slammed shut, Stiles broke, he cried as he fell into a ball on the hallway floor._

-

Stiles had been at the loft for two days before Cora confronted him, he'd been waiting for the dreaded moment the two would have to converse on a serious note. He'd come to value Cora since reconnecting with Derek last year, she'd join in sometimes on their phone calls and even called Stiles herself in the past. Like when she visited, they were able to keep the way they talked like they did before Stiles disappeared. It was bound to have been broken eventually, which is why Stiles is split between been glad it's happening now so he wouldn't keep feeling on edge waiting for it, and remorseful that it's happening.

Cora had found him on one of their couches, sprawling herself freely on on before asking, "Doesn't it make you uncomfortable keeping the necklace on?"

"Like why don't I take it off?" Stiles countered to try and make sense of her. Cora made a face that just screamed 'how stupid are you, of course thats what I meant god I should throw you out the window'.

"Yeah."

"I didn't even know I had it on for months, and I don't know. I haven't thought about it." Stiles explained, his own curiosity peaked at noticing he literally hadn't considering doing that. He had to wonder if it was too a defence technique of the necklace or if it was because he selfishly wanted to still try and help something in the past.

"Do you think everything would stop if you did?"

"Probably not, only in hell would anything ever be that easy."

"Understatement," Cora snorted before shifting her position, "How bad is it really, how much does jumping around with different events really hurt?" The way her tone was lighter than air and her stare taking one of a concerned mother made his heart race. 

"Badly, but also happy that some of the possibilities aren't canon." He reasoned, trying to lesson the load in a way that seemed ridiculous in retrospect.

"Are some of them really that bad?" Cora almost whimpered out, the condescending phrasing outweighed by her genuine intrigue and worry.

"I'd rather die than live in some. I would have offed myself if they were true." Stiles admitted so sure of himself that Cora whined. He had created some horrific outcomes by changing things, some so tragic that William Shakespeare would be envious of.

"I'm glad that, in this one, we were able to get closer. I'm sickeningly certain Derek would say the same." If she had many it as an off hand comment then it definitely wasn't taken that way. stiles looked at her, decreatly showing his bewilderment. 

"What do you mean?"

"Oh man really? You're literally his anchor Stiles." She said it like it was obvious but by the surprised face her received she figured it wasn't so transparent.

"I thought it was anger."

"No, no, you are. you have been for a few years now."

"I have?" He was thrown head first in wave after wave of disbelief, surely he couldn't be there was no way-

"I thought you knew," Cora defended before shrinking into herself like she'd figuratively connected the dots in her head together, "You can't remember what happens in each timeline can you?"

"Is it that obvious?" Stiles tried to joke but recoiled at the way the attempt was a blatant fail. Cora scrunched on side of her mouth. She got up from her seat and plonked herself next to him, wrapping an arm around him.

"I'll guess that you interfered with the tragic events mostly, so whatever you tampered with would cause a reset from that point on right? so when do you think the most recent change was? Whats different about what's happening now than the others?"

"Nobody's talked about Kira." Stiles realised with wide eyes

"Kira? Who's that?"

"Hang on I have to make a call," Stiles dismissed her before pulling his phone out to call the person who'd most likely give him the answers he needed. It took three rings for them to pick up, "hello, Scott?"

"Whats up bud?" Scott answered while Stiles thanked any possible God that he'd caught the alpha at a good time.

"What happened to Kira?"

"Huh?"

"Kira, small asian girl with kick-ass fox powers. What happened to her?" Stiles explained desperately.

"Oh Kira!" Scott realised and stiles was fighting so hard to not roll his eyes, "She left town with her dad after her mum died."

"How did her mum die?" Stiles fearfully croaked.

"We found her body at Oak Creek the morning we went to find Lydia, remember?" 

"Okay, thanks Scott I just forgot. See you soon." Stiles rushed, trying for casual and he seemingly exceeded by the way Scott spoke before hanging up.

"Anytime man." And with that stiles hung up. He drowned himself trying to come to an understanding. All the memories of different versions of events were too much, but he kept filtering through to find his answer. He realised. They went in the morning, he'd jumped to the late afternoon and postponed them talking to Meredith until the evening. Then he'd convinced Scott to wait until morning, reasoning that the Nogitsune would wait for them to show up before doing anything to Lydia and the oni wouldn't be a danger in daylight. They then entered to find Kira's mother dead on the floor, her broken tail laying beside her with the chess pieces on the board labelled 'oni' next to her. Kira had been beside herself and her dad relocated them instantly, not wanting to get involved with the supernatural again. 

Stiles was familiar with feeling disgusted at himself. He could even call it a good friend with the amount of time they'd spend entwined with each other. It was ever present now, he loathed his interference. He hadn't considered that the century old Kitsune had shown up unannounced but instead assumed nobody would have been there if they weren't. It was the most idiotic assumption. He was truly more foolish than a jester. Cora's presence was blocked from his mind as he lost himself to his own regret. As he deeped the impact his choices made he realised the times he'd jumped to before had made the same type of consequences. 

He lost himself, once again, to himself by his own doing. This time, due to the inability to blame it on anyone else, he lost sight of the exit and couldn't find a way to be concerned.

-

_When Stiles felt a rough, crumbly texture beneath his fingers instead of the hardwood hallway floorboards he knew he'd jumped again. He was back in the preserve where he first started since the big jump, in the same state he had been in earlier._

_Instead of faffing around like last time, he sprinted home. He didn't care how insane he would have looked to anyone looking out their windows, opening their curtains to let the sun in. He just let himself go, legs burning as much as his lungs, not even thinking twice about the shooting pains vibrating through his feet to his shins. As soon as his destination came into view he paused, he had to do better. He couldn't bare to have to live through the complete heartbroken look he'd received not long before. Remembering what Noah said about the pack, armed with the explanation, he opened the door not even bothering to knock._

_"I'm sorry dad, I'm so so sorry." He yelled around the empty hallway, the cracks in his voice echoing. His father stumbled into view, eyes as big as saucers and a shaky hand raised to his heart._

_"I'm going to hug you because I'm so glad you're okay but while I do you better have a damned good explanation for where the hell you've been." They hugged just as tightly as before, Stiles pressed his face into the material covering the mans shoulders._

_"I threw myself into work too much, I got fired, and was too ashamed to face anyone. I was meant to come home late last night but ran out of cab fare and had to walk through the woods and main road." Stiles rambled, voice muffled slightly but somehow clear as day in Noahs ears. Noah gave one final squeeze sending his son over the edge and both pairs of eyes glazed over._

_"Why didn't you call? I could have helped you, I'm the last person who would be ashamed of you." It was already different, better than before and part of Stiles felt like he was cheating but any concern washed away and soon as he saw how badly it went last time every time he closed his eyes. The images of his past dads face would follow him like a ghost for years and years to come._

_"I wanted you to be proud of me, you can't be when I fail to pass a fucking psych exam. I lost my phone a while back and was too busy feeling sorry for myself to get a new one. I'm sorry for doing this to you and I don't want to fail you again, forgive me dad." He was shamelessly begging without a care, he would have gotten to his knees if Noah hadn't grasped his shoulders firmly in a simple gesture of comfort and authority._

_"Son listen to me, you are my greatest achievement and I will always be proud of you. You can't do that to me, I was out of my mind with worry but Scott and a few others said thats what you were doing so I tried to leave you be. Dammit, it wouldn't have killed you to call at least once!" The heartbroken look was still there, but this time shrouded in a sad understanding rather than disappointment._

_"I know and I will never be able to make it up to you," Stiles sniffed his nose and wiped the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand before attempting a weak smile, "What if I let you have takeout for lunch and dinner? I'll turn a blind eye."_

_The Sheriff sighed with a shake of his head, shocked chuckles escaping his throat heartily, "Stiles, you're the biggest pain in my ass but I love you. It's okay, im so glad you're safe. We'll talk more later, come inside and make yourself at home, your rooms just how you left it except cleaner." The elder looked as if leaving was the last thing he wanted to do as he waved goodbye to his finally returned son and drove off._

_Stiles let out a (very manly) whimper, grateful he'd done it better this time_.

-

It took no less than three days of living with the Hales for Derek to walk in on Stiles having an anxiety attack. 

He was rocking back and forth with his eyes pressed against his knees in complete silence, there wasn't a single sound around having all been chased out by the torturous chemo signals in the air. Derek was lost at what to do, he'd seen one of Stiles' panic attacks before and aided him but not an anxiety one. It was the picture perfect scene in a horror film and the older man fearfully gulped any residing paralysis away, instantly pulling the younger boy into his arms.

Derek just held him, whispering reassurances in his ear to trust and ease him but it wasn't as easy as he'd hoped. He felt useless but just kept holding him, talking in short sentences even a toddler could understand, and encouraging him to breathe.

It took 20 minutes for Stiles to fully comprehend where he was and who he was with. He didn't cry, he didn't move, he just looked up at Derek and stayed still, so eerily unlike himself. Derek finally thought he understood why, it was exhausting. While you can pass out from a panic attack after not too long anxiety ones lasted longer and were just as emotionally taxing.

Stiles felt like a plug was pulled and now everything that made him up had drained away leaving his outer shell behind and exposed. He could register Derek's arms still around him to almost prove he wasn't leaving. It was the only warmth he could feel, everywhere else felt frostbitten in comparison. His motor skills were still trying to find the manual on how to move, all energy gone.

"I used to get panic attacks after Paige died," Derek said but Stiles' ears felt like they were clogged with water, he could still hear but it was all scribbled and mystical, "When my mum found out she told me something that took me years to finally understand and practice," Stiles found his fingers twitch against Dereks arms, he hadn't even noticed he was crawling onto them, "She said to let myself feel dark emotions while I'm having one, accept that I'm allowed to react that way. I thought she was being stupid until I practised it. Repeated to myself so many times that im allowed to feel guilty and in pain and then thought about how ill heal one day. I didn't notice I was okay until I felt tired."

Like a small battery was replaced in Stiles' body, he squeezed Derek's arm in a way of understanding and appreciating him opening up. Neither talked for a few hours, just letting themselves wrap up together until Stiles found the ability to stand again. While he didn't talk to the majority of the evening, he did end up smiling warmly a few times at Derek.

At midnight Derek's tale of woe would come more into action than he could have predicted. Cora and Derek collided in an attempt the reach where the high wails resided within Stiles' room. Stiles woke with a jump and scream as soon as they reached the door.

"I cant keep doing it, please I cant keep doing it," He kept repeating as the Hales crept closer, "I just-" Stiles broke himself off by smashing his hand into the wall behind the headboard, completely torn apart from being able to consider where he was or who was in the room with him. The pain set in as his focus came to and both Cora and Derek were knelt before him with overly concerned expressions. If he hadn't just woken from a nightmarish memory he would have made fun of their parental attitude but it was the last thing he considered, he wasn't himself.

"Stiles." They harmonised trying to capture his attention enough to draw him out of his haze, but it went on deaf ears.

"What - what am I supposed to do- how am I, how am I meant to even-" He cried out as Cora massaged circles into his damaged hand, taking his pain as he did so. Derek had moved to his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and god did Stiles want to stay like that with him there for as long as he could but now it just felt suffocating. He was too weak to shrug the arm off, feeling it tighten around him the more he tried.

"Help us understand." Cora coxed, talking to him the same way someone would to a lost child in the supermarket. She was only met with his broken stare.

"How? How are you meant to understand? Everything jumbled! I tried to make it- I wanted to see if I could- I just... I just-" He cut himself off again, feeling the panic attack brewing inside, "I don't know what I'm - what the hell am i-" He gave in, gave into the instinctual, almost normal to him sense of panic and trepidation.

Stiles' lungs felt like they were shattering. With every exhale another pieces broke away and fell into his stomach. The pieces tore away at him, painfully twisting their way deeper and deeper until all Stiles could do was scream.And he did. He screamed out in a crippled pitch. He screamed at how useless he felt, hopelessly wishing it could ease him. He screamed for Erica and Boyd, for the failed attempts at saving them only to make everything worse. He screamed for Allison, for the times in the past he accidentally failed helping her get the ending she deserved. He screamed for everyone, everyone he knew he could never save, for everything he could never fix. As the scream dried out, replaced by a weak croak, the cold voice in his head (the one that reminded him he was failing everyone) grew more demanding. The voice turned into his own vile one just repeating over and over 'I tried'. Because he did, he had tried his best but had still failed and that was the worst feeling of all. Knowing that with every effort he already had put in, there would always be a label plastered on his soul asking people to remind him first of his incompetence. All his efforts were futile and as the haze of self hate hit him, it was all that consumed him.

"Remember okay, remember what I told you, what my mom once said." Derek pleaded helplessly. Cora watched with watery eyes so uncharacteristic as a shaky hand clasped her mouth at the mention of the late Talia's advice. She hadn't seen this before, in the years of knowing Stiles, she had never seen this side of his sadness, this vulnerable level to him. It was like she could see his world shattering beneath his feet as he clawed to the surface unsuccessfully. It caught her off guard at how much it physically hurt her ,just as bad as it hurt Derek, to see a pack member, a friend, someone so valued go through so much pain while being useless in aiding it. In addition to seeing Stiles so desperate for clarity, she had never seen Derek look so fearful. If anything she would have thought he knew what to do when things got this bad, or would keep level headed, but in retrospect this was out of all of their comfort zones. She hadn't even thought she would, yet here she was. Derek seemed to get lost deep within his mind for almost a second before finding strength to clasp Stiles' shoulders. She watched his eyes change emotions as he stared at one of his closest pack mates.

"Remember what I told you, let yourself hurt." His voice was almost unlike his own, it took a darker tone, harsher. In complete awe the youngest Hale watched the emotions flash in Stiles. His sorrow. His hardship. His pain. His confusion. His defeat.

Stiles felt the world explode. Fires burnt his fingers, his lungs, his feet. Air became a delicacy and the only thing that broke the casual black clouds within his was the simple phrase 'let yourself hurt'. He was split in half by it. The torturous divide formed as he wanted to, he wanted to be okay with his own pain but he felt guilty by it. How dare he hurt while members of the pack remained dead, mourned for the fallen, and suffered. As the phrase seemed to echo in his head he all lost got it, he could almost understand that it was Derek saying it, that he needed to be hearing it. As each exhale, without him even noticing, got longer, he finally understood exactly what was said. The panic attack resided into pained sobs that shook him to his core. The utter despair and loss caused even Derek and Cora to plaster their body tightly beside him in empathy.

Nothing was in any of their heads and they clasped each other in the same tragic grasp of defeat. Not a single one of them brought the night up again in a silent oath to be there when one of them needed them. Apart from one sentence that Cora let Stiles get away with when they woke up a few hours later pressed together,

"Wait Cora did I finally see you cry?"

She shoved him off the bed.

The next morning Stiles woke up to voices downstairs and an empty bed. He rushed through his usual routine of brushing his teeth and changing before joining the collective pool of individuals downstairs. Scott, Derek, and Cora were all awake and lively talking in the kitchen. As Stiles entered they all looked at him with happy faces, collectively saying different versions of 'good morning' before continuing their conversations. He didn't pay attention as he got a glass of water. The cool liquid refreshing his butchered throat finally feeling sore from his screams the night before. As he did he thought over what Cora had said about taking the necklace off before doing so so he would study it better.

When the necklace fell into Stiles' hands, the man too fell to the floor in shrieks of absolute pain. It was unlike anything he'd experienced before, complete agony that swam with spiked fins within him. All he could see was whiteness, his eyesight shutting down to save itself as the rest of his body followed. The white darkened through each shade before congruently landing on black. He switched off instantly.

-

_"Why did you never call them out for using you?" Stiles asked Derek on night, he'd called up after not being able to fall asleep. He called Derek without a doubt in his mind, he knew the dark hair wolf would instantly help._

_"Who?" Derek tiredly pondered through the phone that stiles was clutching a little too tightly._

_"Kate or Jennifer or Gerard?" He listed before clarifying himself, "They used your body but you never called them out."_

_I never felt the need too, I knew they would do it again so I never said anything. They wouldn't care and I didn't trust them to care." Derek rebuked detest-fully_

_"You called me out." Stiles professed, hearing a confused grunt thought the phone's speaker._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"When I used your body to make Danny track the text peter sent, you called me out for doing it."_

_"I-" Derek started but it went unheard by Stiles as he rambled._

_"After everything I accused you of too, I was just as bad as them."_

_"Stiles, firstly I wasn't calling you out for that. I never thought you were using my body or being like them. I changed infront of him, it was my choice and I changed again when you said it was ugly. It was my choice." Derek replied earnestly making Stiles cheeks flush._

_"Then what?" The hidden 'what were you upset by that night' didn't need to be said._

_"It was for using his attraction to me against him, I knew how it felt in his shoes. It only became about me being topless when I changed, which was necessary."_

_"You still called me out though."_

_"I trusted you to care about it, you weren't and would never be them. Ive been in Danny's shoes and I was annoyed you used his clear crush to get answers. I also knew you'd get how upsetting it was and wouldn't do it again, you never did it again."_

_Stiles was overwhelmed with the amount of respect he felt for the man. The one who endured so much pain and grief, still returned to the land his mother had protected in an attempt to build a life of his own. Even with every reason to abandon ship resting in his pocket, he came back after working on himself and conquered it. Instead of speaking his mind, Stiles settled for the most Stiles-like response,"You smashed my head against the wheel."_

_"I struggled with words, and thought you'd get what I meant." Derek laughed enticing a smile from Stiles embarrassingly quick._

_"My head hurt for a long time after by the way." He complained playfully, cheeks aching._

_"Sorry about that." Derek apologised, the honestly in it could have sent Stiles into a spiral of tear and despair. Instead he found the courage to admit something._

_"Derek?"_

_"Yeah?" Was the delicate response from the other line._

_"Thank you for always finding some sort of trust in me. I wasn't great to you but you never seemed to hold that against me."_

_"I was just as bad." Derek admitted with a whispered laugh._

_Stiles' grip on his phone slackened and he dropped it to the mattress, rolling onto his side and gripping the duvet tightly. He sighed, finally feeling sleepier than before, "do you think we'll ever tell anyone what really happened on the fbi mission?"_

_"We would get scrutinised."_

_"Oh god they would," stiles let out a muffled yawn, desperate for him to not notice so they could continue talking. It clearly wouldn't have as Derek was indeed a werewolf with super hearing._

_"Okay go to sleep now." Derek commanded and Stiles was inclined to admit defeat, the primal need to sleep beating his longing to continue their conversation._

_"I will, thank you for letting me call you."_

_"Thank you for wanting to."_

_"Goodnight." Stiles bid before succumbing to sleep, not even hanging up the phone before drifting._

_"Goodnight." Derek's unheard reply was. He waited a minute, hearing Stiles' gentle snores through the phone. After listening to the peaceful sounds, Derek hung up to sleep himself with a calm mind and pitiless heart._


	3. Paramnesia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how long it took to get this out. Been working 10hr shifts nearly everyday as a few ppl tested positive for COVID but they refused to shut the building down. It’s ridiculous.
> 
> There’s probably a few mistakes/plot hole/repeat type things but I’ll go through it all properly soon, just wanted to at least get this out while I could and before I forgot ahah. C4 already bullet pointed out so shouldn’t be long before that’s posted.

_They were being shown a case. The case burnt stiles because one thing he knew for sure about himself was his love of children. He adored them even. Sometimes when a child ran past him in the street he would stop just to smile and watch them for a second. He found their innocent and naivety a beautiful cog in the poorly oiled machine they lived in. Their eyes held the most pure essence of humanity within them and he craved for that ability to return._

_So when they were shown the case of a child's nanny killing their parents Stiles had to click pause on the world around him. He was ashamed to admit he cried when he got back to his dorm because how, how could a person so pure feel the evil so early on. A child so full of love to give to anyone that took the time to stop and accept it would grow up full of burden. He cried because that day his lecturer,just before pressed play for the interview of the said child, had told them,_

_"cases like the one I'm about to play so the cruelty of humanity, how you treat children shows who you are. People do horrible things; sometimes for no real reason, sometimes to make a statement, sometimes to be famous. But when you treat the most vulnerable or innocent unkindly, that reveals your true self. There are cases like this, some worse than this, and if you can't stomach it then you're taking the wrong path in life. It's okay if you leave now, but if you stay you need to be ready."_

_The video showed a child, no more than five years old, telling an officer how much he loved his nanny. They spoke in broken sentences that surely the many couldn't have done it because they had loved them, had cared for them, had comforted them in their time of need._

_The child that loved so deeply and completely, was betrayed and didn't even know what betrayal was._

_It broke Stiles. It made him question his career choice, but he kept going because it was all he knew at this point. Being in the FBI was what he had always dreamed of. And yet, when splashed in the face with the cold truth of the things he'd have to deal with, it stunned him. Stiles had faced all types of evil, he had stood confident against a barrel of a gun and yet he knew none of that came close to humanity. Sometimes he forgot that the coldest parts of earth laid heavily in the most human areas._

-

Stiles opened his eyes groggily to find himself staring at the all to familiar ceiling tiles of the animal clinic. Everything came back to him in disturbing images that had his teeth grinding and eyes quickly snapping shut again in a feeble attempt to get rid of them. The pain he had experienced when the necklace was removed was unlike anything he had ever experienced, nor wanted to ever again. He would rather be re possessed, be back in Gerard's basement, re live his mothers death, and be shot in the toe all at once then relive it.

Stiles almost wanted to laugh at his past self for all the times he had thought it couldn't get any worse, he was wrong. Of course he was wrong, when thinking about everything that had lead him to where he was he could easily see where his poor decision making had caused it. He truly thought the only right decision he had ever made in his life was deciding to accept he was at fault for most the misery around him.

Everything came back to it, especially now. Especially with being the reason the pack were once again endangered.

He sat up slowly to look around the room, taking notice of half of his pack members sleeping in various positions around the room. Some were on the floor propped against the wall while others had brought chairs in to rest on. Even Melissa, and Noah had taken to waiting in the room. Stiles found himself wondering if it counting as waiting on him to wake if they were all asleep themselves. Most noticeably was Derek, stiffly sleeping in a chair next to the metal slab stiles resided on. Derek's arms and head were using the clinical table as a pillow by Stiles' feet. Stiles wanted to let himself feel comforted by the clear display of worry they were showing by being there. Once again something snatched the emotion up in vicious claws before Stiles' brain could claim it properly. The claws left their signature scars in his mind as they did, leaving behind another emotion to replace the one they took.

Dread.

Dread, lurked in his skin as he finally took notice of the heavy feeling around his neck, his thin fingers shook as the travelled up to confirm his fears.

He was wearing the necklace, someone had put it back on him.

Instinctively he looked at the clock hanging on the wall for comfort. The repetitive pattern was soothing, always the same movement as the same intervals. He always became wrapped up in watching the time slowly pass, the way time passed slower when watching a clock helped. The circle was his anchor, he shamelessly relied on it. Sometimes when he couldn't see a clock he felt flushed, his forehead would dampen and hands clam up. It was his way of returning to his body, a reliant way of knowing he was present and not jumping.

In an effort to not awake anyone, he clenched his stomach to help control the panicked huffs of air he had unwillingly took. As he was about to remove it once again he was stopped.

"Dont."

Stiles turned to see Deaton standing in the doorway. His face held deeper frown lines than stiles had remembered ever seeing on him, his eyes slightly puffier making the circles beneath them stand out. Deaton mouth drooped in the corners as he stared at Stiles. It was only then that stiles allowed himself to feel genuine horror at the severity of the situation. He had broken Deaton, it was another side effect to his own stupidity.

"Thats why I passed out isn't it? Because I took it off." The silence was the only answer stiles needed to know he was right, he continued as Deaton took a few steps deeper into the room, "How long was I asleep?"

Deaton just looked at Stiles for a second, studying him as if trying to figure out how present he was in that moment. Chris walked into the room from behind Deaton, looking just as exhausted as the veterinarian appeared, "Three days. We waited until the morning to inform the rest of the pack and your father. Everyones stayed since waiting for you to wake up."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is all my-" Stiles began with a trembling tone. He was quickly interrupted.

"Don't say it. I swear if you say it's your fault I'll take the necklace off you myself." Cora grumbled from the far corner, she shuffled slightly before curling herself further against the wall as if protesting the idea of getting up from the uncomfortable position.

"I'll help you do it." Isaac agreed rubbing his eyes.

"If all three of us do it our consciouses won't feel as guilty." Lydia supported as she adjusted herself.Soon she sat with one long leg crossed over the other and her hair running through her long hair as a makeshift brush. The smirk on her lips was unforgettably devilish and Stiles felt his heart burn in regret at not fighting harder to stay with her.

That thought seemed to sober Stiles up, he was confused at why he'd even thought about it when he knew he wanted her to stay as his closest companion, closer in lots of ways than Scott but he'd never tell with of them that.

"If that kills me then I hope you all realise I'll come back to haunt you all. Your consciouses will be clean but I will not rest until I drag you all down with me, even from the other side." Stiles defends, trying as hard as he can to stay present. To stay in the room. To stay in this time frame and his own body. The entire pack was now awake and sitting upright, the tension was still there but every inhale was lighter than the heavy exhales they took. It was easier to exist for a while.

"If Stiles died we all know I'd follow, which means Allison would follow too. So you'd have to deal with all of us messing with you for the rest of your lives."

"I couldn't think of a more fitting punishment." Noah joked, his mouth held a smile but Stiles knew his father well enough to see the worry his iris' emitted. The only thing Stiles could think to do was give him a reassuring nod of hold the older man over. It seemed to do its job as Noah's lips quirked slightly more and his pupils seemed to contract in a silent show of relief.

"How are you feeling buddy?" Scott asked walking towards his brother, his hands squeezed the formers shoulder. Stiles went to answer when he made eye contact with the stony faced former alpha residing at his feet. In another lifetime Stiles would have found a joke at the positioning but in this universe he was too lost for words at the eye contact to even bother. He lost his train of thought as they seemed to converse with each other. The heavy gaze held everything they needed to say in the moment, a fairground game of bobbing apples except with what was most important for each of them to get across. The flurry of sentences transcribed to a makeshift conversation of 'we need to talk' 'I'm thankful you're okay''I was so worried' 'I'm glad you stayed by me'. They kept their eyes locked for a moment longer before stiles nodded at him, Dereks shoulders relaxed and the beta sank into his chair. Some members of the pack watched them both confused while some (Lydia and Cora) in amusement. They rest barely seemed to notice, all anxiously waiting for the response. Stiles blinked harshly and tore his eyes from Dereks to Scott.

"I feel okay, honestly I think I've slept more in these three days than this past month so I'm refreshed. Nice and fresh." Stiles knew this was true as soon as he caught himself saying it, his signature tone, rambling, and use of exaggeration had slipped back into his verbal jigsaw puzzle. His exhaustion liked to remove and hide the pieces from him when in charge.

The wolves in the room seemed satisfied at the lack of jumps in his heart beat, the steadiness (or the stiles version of steadiness due to his normally increased heart beat, thank you Anxiety!) confirming his statement.

"We need to talk about the necklace." Jackson spoke up, still to this day Stiles wasn't used to the change London had on the blonde. After reuniting in 2017 the way Jackson treated everyone was clear, he was still snarky, uptight and jagged. Yet, the jagged parts had been sanded down into harmless points. The blonde let himself care and show concern about others, in turn everyone was quick to convince him to stay and truly become a pack member.

"We do," Noah agreed, he shared a glance with Melissa before turning to his son with the same expression he would use when on duty, "Whatever is in the woods has just killed three people in the past two days. If it's really connected to the necklace we need to act now and fast, especially with you in the mix." Stiles couldn't find anything to say back, so he instead just restarted to smiling sadly back. No matter what the others had said before, it didn't change the outlook he took. He had brought the necklace here and now people were dying.

Another thing he couldn't miss was the way his father had gone straight to factors that affected the station.

Deaton cleared his throat, gaining attention back on him. He clasped his hands together before looking pointedly at stiles, "I do owe you an apology, while before I said the necklace was harmless I was wrong. It looks like it's linked with you as taking it off almost killed you."

"Great so I'm soul bonded to a piece of jewellery made by people that watched 'Back to the Future' too many times. Which was good but was it that good that someone had to take it a little too seriously?" Stiles chatted aimlessly. Everyone ignored him except for Mason who snorted and folded his arms over his chest looking amused.

"That film came out in the 50s how would they have even watched it?" Mason asked with mock condescension.

Stiles narrowed his eyes, "Brave of you to assume covens were only around in the dark ages."

"The last known recorded one was."

"Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Shouldn't you be at the FBI?"

"Touche." Stiles nodded with a faux side eye.

"Stilinski this is serious, there's more." Jackson interrupted before the two boys could continue any further, ignoring the 'ha good luck with that' Cora snorted at the idea of Stiles being serious. Stiles frowned, trying to think about how any of this could get any worse before turning to Deaton.

"I based my assumption on the story most people know around it. I was always told that a coven blessed the necklace with the power to redo events someone regretted or wished went differently." Deaton started, trailing off at the end. It seemed everyone except stiles knew where this was going and it was torture.

"Okay, so? Where's the part thats made everyone so panicked?"

"They lied, apparently thats not how it was created, after looking around I found they wanted power over time and stole it from someone. However after using it and claiming it was their own everything backfired and they couldn't destroy it. Eventually they all scarified themselves in an effort to keep it hidden. It might have been undone somehow or they failed, I'm not sure yet." Deaton finished. Stiles was gaping, stunned to his core.

"How do we find out its origin?" Malia asked stepping around to stand by Stiles' head. Her hand pressed against in shoulder with varying pressure in each finger. Stiles had the grace to not comment on her hidden concern, instead he put one of his own hands on top of hers. She let out a short breath, wrapping her pinky around his thumb as a silent thank you for anchoring her. After learning he had always been her anchor but abandoned her, it was the least he could do to start making up his mistakes to her. Stiles looked to Derek. For some reason he was sure the older man would look confused, instead he found Derek was looking at the entwined fingers so softly, so fucking softly, with a prideful gaze. Derek looked away to stiles' eyes, having sensed that someone was watching him, and gave a slight nod. It was so warming, so satisfying, and suddenly Stiles didn't even care about the necklace.

"I'll look into it, until then the symbol on the back is a clue. It's the sign for Sloth." Deaton informed them making stiles raise the left side of his top lip in a baffled sneer.

"The lazy sin?" Came the only sound. Stiles had forgotten Melissa was even there, let alone would have joined in on the conversation at hand.

"Sloth originally was the sin for depression, only meaning laziness from modern interpretations. Have you been exceedingly depressed recently?" Deaton asked Stiles, watching him with his normally cautious eyes. He was studying him, keeping alert to any sort of body language that could give him away but stiles stayed ridged. Not willing to be read by anyone, not willing to tell everyone every detail of everything just yet.

"I don't know." Stiles answered, staring back at Deaton without any movement. His face barely even changed apart from his mouth forming his words. Everyone was quietly watching, waiting for an in to become part of the conversation but they would get one.

Deaton's bottom lip crinkled slightly, giving away his inner emotions about the response before stating his verbal one, "We'll return to that later. I do think it's important for you to explain the original timeline you experienced so we can tell how much has changed."

That was what Stiles had been afraid of. The fear stemmed from everything that was different because he had no idea what was and wasn't the same. His conversation before with Cora had made him wonder if the entire timeline refreshed each time he went back. Part of him still feared that it didn't, that everything he changed cumulated together into one massive shit show that shook the entire world they laid foot on. It threw him off, the entire prospect, because it made him seem like he was experiencing delusions of grandeur. Stiles had always come back to this thought in the past, he reasoned that he wouldn't be because he had identified the possibility but he didn't know enough about psychiatry to dispute it properly.

Stiles looked at his friends - no his packs - enchanted expressions, they had to know. They wanted to know it all but he couldn't risk breaking them. He didn't want to be the reason their faces fell, mourned, hardened at the real things they should have been threw. Looking at the bigger picture, stiles thought about how he had cheated them all out of their fate. If any of them were religious or had any beliefs, he'd taken it into his own hands to contort into something he deemed better. Of course he knew he could have made it worse in some ways. He wasn't sure what had and hadn't happened (that much was definite) but he consistently messed with it himself. It was on him whatever had happened. It was on him whatever hadn't.

Stiles knew, in the instant, that they deserved to know what really happened. They had every right to hear what fate had originally set out for them. So he did. He told them everything. He told them the struggles of helping Scott learn his new skills, or finding the alpha, or shunning out Dereks (feeble) attempts to help. He told them about the Kanima, Gerard, and even Lydia's psychotic episodes that nobody knew the cause of. He stumbled through the Alpha pack, the deaths they had to face, the sacrifice and the Nogitsune.

Stiles didn't have the guts to look at anyone when he had to explain that Allison had died by his doppelgänger. He didn't. It was weak of him but how could he look the future parents to be in their eyes.

Stiles told them about the dead pool, Kate Argent being alive, Dereks evolution, and the Dread Doctors. He spoke how Theo betrayed them all, how Theo manipulated everyone, and about the Beast of Gévaudan. He glossed over the wild hunt, still too hurt by the wound, and finally ended on the final battle with the Anuk-ite. Not before catching them up about the in between stories he had about meeting people between the final battle with Gerard and the moment they were in. He had no reason to derail them, some memories were private and deserved to stay that way. Maybe that's why he still didn't mention the truth about what happened when he saw Erica and Boyd in Gerard's basement. He didn't need to because when he did look up he saw the rawness everyone felt.

Allison and Scott were holding each other, knuckles white and red, while Chris held a glassy eyed expression on the mother to he's face. Melissa had stood next to the pair as if prepared to battle the story Stiles had said. Because to them it was just that, a story. Nobody said a thing until the ice the separated each being from the other was finally sliced.

"But Stiles the only change in that from our one now is what happened from Oak Creek and the consequences." Lydia told him, her voice was firm. Firmer than it had been towards him in a long long time because there wasn't an ounce of care behind it. She wanted to get to the point, leaving emotion behind in an undisturbed volt and Stiles was more than okay to get on board with that.

"What do you mean?" He pondered, eager to get a response or anything against the silence from the others in the room. God not even his dad was saying anything and that was worse than someone just killing him on the spot.

"Well you've been thinking about it as multiple changes to the same timeline causing you to not know what each change caused. So if you have point A and point B originally but going back made a point C then going back again cause another point that time going back changed point B. Eventually it'll get confusing." Lydia tried to explain. As she did it was as if everyone slowly one by one came back into the present. Each face changing into in an eventual unity of confusion and being lost.

"What the fuck did you say?" Stiles blurted out in bafflement. He truly had no clue how, even when they all knew her so damned well, nobody knew what point she was trying to get at.

"You don't remember what events are linked together so changing one would make another one you changed redundant so you don't know what changes are the same or different. This is ignoring the possibility of going back to the same event multiple times," Lydia continued, even she seemed to not know what she was trying to say, "You know what I know what I meant but I can't quite find a way to explain it." She elaborated running a tight hand over her face, her skin wrinkled with the motion as she looked at everyone waving her other hand in a last ditch effort for someone to catch on.

"Like Until Dawn." Scott said. Heads snapped to the hoarse voice that contrasted Lydias higher one perfectly. Stiles in that moment respected Scott, he respected that man who had just learnt his love was meant to be dead but still wanted to help a pack member.

"Yes! Thank you!" Lydia all but cheered while throwing her hands up in a silent hallelujah.

Scott ran his tongue over his lips and scanned the room before going forward, "You can make different choices that effect and change a multitude of events. Like whether you let Emily or Matt keep the flare gun, only if Matt doesn't die at the cliffs. If Matt has the flare gun and you go with him to the cable car station, he fires it and will die from the later wedigo if he tries to help Emily. Then can't save Jessica. If he doesn't then he can shot the wending and stay alive then help Jessica. If Emily has the flare gun she doesn't get bitten so Mike doesn't potentially kill her."

"I know the butterfly effects a massive part of this, thats the problem!" Stiles interrupted eagerly.

"No but eventually you play the game so much you don't remember each choice you make but it leads to the same scene at the house before you blow it up. You've changed so many of the choices that you don't know what the storyline is in the game you're playing. Yet at the end you're trying to escape the same house like every other time but with no idea of what you did and didn't choose." Scott continued, unfazed by stiles' disruption but also using it as a way to help describe what he wanted to say. Stiles was stumped because it was like what Cora had said but Scott had managed to help him make sense of why he didn't see the order.

"Thats exactly what it's like, adding in time travel and a the decisions being made in the wrong order."

"Yes! Okay but what if when replaying it you only change one thing at a time?" Scott rhetorically asked, stiles was more thrown by the fact Scott had been the one to successfully put a rational method to it all. Of course he knew Cora had talked to him about it first but when it was out to a game he once loved it was easier for his brain to learn what was going on with it.

"Like if every time I went back it was the time timeline but only one change, like a reset?" Stiles questioned starting to feel a little lost again.

"But what does that have to do with anything?" Jackson inquired tilting his head to the side with a curled upper lip.

"Part of the issue is that he has no idea what has and what hasn't happened because he's over complicating it. If we narrow it down to singular events in each timeline changing then its easier for him to comprehend." Allison added in. She had seemingly pushed the discovery of her deceased alternate self deep down and, much like Scott, kept the pack as her primary focus. To Stiles it was almost a gift to see how far she'd come from their first meeting, but it just made the truth more painful.

"I'm not five you know, don't make me sound like I am." Stiles huffed, crossing his arms as he leant into Malias touch sulkily. Dereks upper body moved like he had hiccuped when looking at Stiles with a shit eating grin.

"Are you going to deny that this will be helpful?" He mocked, stiles playfully glared like he forgot the weight of the situation. It was easy to do that - to forget they were all at risk when he saw the scruffy man.

"...no." Stiles admitted.

"Exactly." Derek finished.

"But that doesn't solve the bigger issue of Stiles not telling us anything so we don't know how to help him know what's happening." Noah nearly yelled it. The fact he hadn't actually yelled it was had to grasp because it meant he wasn't angry, more tired and frustrated. The fact Stile had elicited that reaction from him was a strong burden to bear. He wondered what his mother would think of him if she were here.

"We should try and focus on the necklace and how it was really created. Stiles' could be in more danger than we thought." Deaton finally gave his opinion having let everyone else take the reigns from him for a while.

"Once again," Stiles whispered under his breath too quietly to be heard by anyone without supernatural hearing. However, as luck would have it, he was surrounded by people with the skill. He truly was a lucky person, he realised sarcastically.

The tension was as persistent as smog, tar tainting everyones lungs. Stiles pursed his lips thoughtfully before scratching his chin, "Does anyone else really want to play Until Dawn again though?"

-

If someone had told Stiles that he and Scott, both in their twenties, would be playing a video game in Scott's old bedroom, he would have thought nothing of it. If someone had said they were actually playing video games in Derek's loft, on actual furniture, Stiles would have died from hysteria. Mainly from the idea that the loft even had a game console or the fact that he actually had video games too.

They had been playing the game for a few hours, Scott instantly taking up stiles throw away idea of playing Until Dawn. If it was to spend time with stiles or to keep an eye on him it didn't matter. The fact it was even happening was enough for stiles to feel the warmth his chest had been craving for so long. It was also agonising, the shock of it fell heavy in his heart. He knew he wasn't meant to be surprised, they were pack, Scott was his brother, it should be his normal but it wasn't.

So they sat, pressed together in an easy way that made stiles be able to focus on keeping himself grounded. It was clearly just as comforting for Scott as it reassured him that stiles hadn't disappeared again, he wasn't in danger, he was there with him. They passed the controller to each other whenever the point of view changed in the game and chastised each other when one of them made a mistake. That was it. That was it until the mood changed.

"Are you really still caught up about me believing Theo first?" Scott has asked, the words brushing stiles' ears like silk. He had almost been able to wipe the past confrontation from his mind until then. Things, especially recently, seemed to work like that for him.

Stiles let out a sigh that felt and sounded too heavy for what he had intended. He paused the game and dropped the controller, its impact with the floor rattling his bones like a hidden shiver, "I'm not, but sometimes I am."

"What do you mean?" Scott probed, the slow spacing in each word added to the unintentional tension. A tension neither of them wanted to exist.

"It hurt that you didn't believe me, I'd been friends with you for years and years but you chose his story. You didn't even try to hear me out. But I know he manipulated you and I know you feel guilty, so I don't." Stiles admitted, the way he was feeling the bond he and Scott shared was so powerful he felt it only just to say the whole truth. 

"But you still do." Scott commented, sneaking small glances to his interlocutor.

Stiles bit his bottom lip hard enough to taste the warm metallic concoctions saliva and blood ravage his rate buds. Breaking through his thoughts that laid overweight in his mind, he spoke, "You know sometimes I wake up and I want to hate you for everything that's happened between us. I'll have every time you ditched me for Allison or every time you weren't a good friend in my head and I consider just not being friends with you."

"Why don't you?" Scott asked in a fearful way that created a million watts of electricity, it shocked stiles more than when he first jumped in time. Everything about the conversation was dangerous uncharted waters. The waves were massive, they were life threatening, they were the ones that made the innocent shells of children get tarnished and blistering unforgivingly. He titled his head, testing how to continue.

"Because every time I consider it, I know it's stupid. I stop thinking it as soon as I started to and I realise I'd rather have those betrayals than not have you at all." Stiles knew that he was being honest, the truth easy to say. Overflowing from his lips unable to not be spoken because stiles needed Scott he would always need him. His brother was his lifeline no matter their ups nor downs.

"I feel the same sometimes." Scott admitted, the paused video game in-front of them was too bright and too loud. Stiles' clothes began to itch, uncomfortable and wrong on his skin. They didn't rest right on him and the rest of his senses matched the intensity of their sibling. It took every single ounce of stiles' energy to not fall into overdrive and succumb to his anxiety.

"You do?" His sorrowful voice was barely audible.

"Yeah. I don't ever think to talk about it because I value our friendship too much."

"Talk about it Scott. I want to know." Stiles declared with determination. If he had been able to open up without judgement then it was only far he return the favour.

"Sometimes I want to hate you for how you for blaming me your dad got shot when I was attacked by Liam. I died stiles.I know you didn't know that until after and that we weren't on great terms then but it still sucked. I know I ditched you for Allison sometimes but I also ditched her for you too."

Stiles considered what Scott said. He tossed it around him his mind for a moment, testing the impact as his reply slipped through his lips, "I didn't even think about that."

"Exactly. It's like you're so quick to find the bad in everything, you barely recognise the positives but you know what sucks the most?" Scott rhetorically asked, leaving no room for an answer as he continued on the unleashed feelings he'd kept hidden for so many years, "What wicks the most is that you barely apologise for your actions. It might sound narcissistic but when I mess up to spend so much time and so much of myself trying to make it up to you. Trying to show you I'm sorry but it's like consequences happen to everyone but you when you mess up. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I've read things differently but it's just tiring to watch everyone grow from their fuck ups but you."

"I-I don't know what to say." Stiles stuttered, he stumbled on his words because he knew. He knew that ultimately Scott was right. God, he was right! When he was in control of his actions he never had to suffer any repercussions of his errors. It was a reality he hadn't seen, but how could he have seen it? The man was so caught up in the tragedies around him that he'd become blind to his true errors. Stiles always found himself dwelling more on things that his self hate let his believe were his fault rather than what actually was his.

"Oh man, Stiles I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Scott began to apologise, stopping when stiles rose his hand in a haunt motion. Scott closed his mouth, gulping hoarsely while sinking in on himself.

"No you're right. I don't say sorry when I fuck up and that's wrong of me. Blaming you for things out of your control, like my dad being shot, was so wrong of me. I can't believe I didn't say sorry before but you have to know I am. I'm so sorry Scott." Stiles croaked, although any sign of tears stayed hidden deep in the depths of his mind. Inside he was a hurricane with the salty drops but, unlike the abnormal, they had no tell tale signs. It pained stiles to finally be slapped with how Scott felt.

Until today stiles only had the murky fears that Scott felt that way. Now it was unleash and furious, stiles was shown his thoughts and fears were right. He had to accept the reality now it was staring him in the face. Although it was easy to disconnect from reality. Sometimes he felt like he was trapped in limbo; seeing reality and seeing a dreamlike scenario he had created for himself. But dreams weren't always dreams. Sometimes they were nightmares. Nightmares that crept slowly, cunningly up to him that by the time they sunk their poisonous claws into his mind it was too late. His tainted thoughts had been proven, yet somehow he found himself feeling more of a toxic self pity than remorse. Well, that wasn't exactly true, her was remorseful. The guilt sitting in his minds driving seat was proof he was still sane, still feeling things he should be feeling, still here. He was still here. He was here in his current reality feeling things he'd buried deep, so deep he barely had time to realise he'd dug them.

Stiles was grateful for the slap of actuality in a strange way. He needed it to feel the full imp t of his humanity because that humanity was all he really had. It was his place in his pack and it was the most reliable aspect of himself.

Scott was looking at the controller in his hands with such a defeated express that stiles wanted to punch him. It was then that he finally had the ability to replay his adventures with a new perspective. As much as it felt like he was bathing in lava, he knew how right the alpha was.

"I know you are, I knew you were when you didn't say it but I really needed to hear it too. Thank you. I'm sorry for not being the best example of a friend and I love you so much." Scott admitted, finally breaking his gaze with the PlayStation remote in his fingers and looking to his brother. The whole hearted look in his eyes was enough to make Stiles crack. His crack was unforgiving as it spread through his centre.

"I am too, I'm sorry it's taken this long for me to know it. I love you scotty." Stiles smiled slightly as a white flag in the argument, offering the resolution. Scott drowned in the peace like a starving man and just like that, they were fine again.

It was one of the most beautiful things about their friendship. The way they could so easily tell the things they were fighting for. Even if they didn't agree with the goal they both could get the reasons each was fighting.

"I meant it when I said I'd leave Allison for you." Scott admitted with a soft face, it drew stiles into a sense of homeliness. It was addictive.

"I know. Doesn't it weird you out how okay she was with the idea?" Stiles grilled, intrigued to know what either the woman in question or Scott thought of it.

"Not as much as I thought," Scott laughed, "she thinks we're meant to get married."

"Oh god, could you imagine?" Stiles cried joining in his friends noises of pure delight. It was hard not to, Scott had always had such an infectious joy.

"Maybe we should be having a child together instead." Scott joked, nudging stiles gently.

"That would just be abuse, I mean my lanky body with your crooked jaw? They'd be a bully's wet dream." Stiles warmly exclaimed as the two fully recovered from their previous conversation and turned to unpause the game.

They played for another hour before Scott turned to face stiles again while stiles was trying to help Jessica navigate the abandoned mines.

"Stiles." He said bluntly, instantly grabbing the others attention. The game was paused once again, their attention on each other unwavering.

"Yeah?"

"We're going to figure this out." Scott declared so determined to win against another big bad, it was almost infectious. Keyword being almost.

"What if we don't? What if I have to actually die this time? Scott something's coming, three people are already dead. You heard what the coven had to do to get rid of the necklace, we need to think realistically." Stiles tried to reason, he hated to have to take a cynical point of view but in most cases someone needed to. Especially in this case, in this one the odds appeared low. They didn't even know what the enemy was.

"No, we always figure out another way. We've all come too far for someone in the pack to die now. We always come out on top." Scott optimistically gleamed. As if the weather outside was conjures from some pathetic form of pathetic fallacy, it began raining. The drops hitting the giant windows lining the loft. Each one hitting like w splinter, digging deep into stiles until he shoved a tweezer into his body.

"Even winners have to experience loss sometimes." Stiles told his friend.

"We already have." Scott replied. It was a daunting sentence because he was so wrong in so many ways but he had no idea.

"No, no we haven't." Stiles admitted, swallowing rocks that scratched his insides up into tattered lacerations. Instantly the wounds became infected and began killing him.

It was horrific in many ways, the most obvious wing that they hadn't had many downfalls. The pack had indeed always won against threats which was so much more deadly than losing all the time. Each pack member had a firmly planted cockiness from the wins they'd secured under their belt. Another was that they had lost. However it wasn't in the way Scott thought. In Scott's mind they had only lost Erica and Boyd but that was only due to stiles' interference. He had stopped them from loosing Allison, at the cold price of loosing Noshiko Yukimura and thus Kira.

It was a vigorous truth that stiles had to face. One that he hadn't even been putting off, he knew it and he always thought about it but he put it off still. The logistics of him doing so were a mystery. The truth was that Allison had to die for Scott and the pack to grow.It was sinfully sour to think and even worse to know that he couldn't ignore it. He was so stuck in blaming the knowledge that he was the reason she had died that of course he would have her live now he could. He owed it to her and her family for the oxygen to fill her lungs.

Stiles felt like he was cursed, the curse being the ability to let his thoughts tumble like a snowball. It increased in layers and size as it fell further and further until reaching the point of no return, rolling down and down and down and faster and faster and faster. It pained him to be so perceptive to things sometimes because he realised that Allison and Scott shouldn't have actually ended up together. Because only when they weren't did Scott grow. It was gutting to understand and even worse to know there was no way to fight it. Yes they loved each other, but the supernatural refined their circle and ability to make new friends or interactions so all they really knew were each other. It made them have not many other options and they clung to each other. The held into the love they had and it clearly became the most reliable thing in an unreliable world. Stiles had seen the man Scott grew to be, without Allison he became stronger. He focused on his pack and was able to go through every danger with the mindset of 'We might not make it but let's die in the side worth fighting for'. When with Allison he felt onto the high schooler mindset and stiles didn't want to mean it negatively but sometimes it was hard to see the positive. Without Allison's death everyone believed they were more invincible than they actually were. It was tragic. A tragedy that would bring Shakespeare to tears knowing his own works didn't hold a candle to theirs.

-

_Stiles' finger hovered over his contacts, looking for one that didn't exist._

_It wasn't as uncommon as Stiles would have liked for him to be doing. Every time his time seized he did the action often. He knew who he was looking for - of course he did. The only difference was that the name that wasn't there was alive and not dead. Most times he went to call someone after going backwards but couldn't find their name it was because they were dead. This time was was for a different reason, they were alive. They were so alive. Alive without burden or grief or fear._

_It was one simple choice and now Lydia wasn't apart of the pack. The temporary reality that she was just going about her daily life while they faced all their competitions was hard because he could think of millions of things that wouldn't have happened or been figured out without her. It was probably that same reason that he was missing lots of contacts on his phone._

_It was Stiles' third or so time going back to change things. He had been thrusted into the moment he was dancing with Lydia at prom and instead of letting her go and find Jackson alone, he'd offered to look for him for her. He pointed out a few of the Lacrosse players and promised that he would bring Jackson into the room and she could make him jealous when he did. All he remembered before waking up to the sunlight in his eyes was her radiant smile and nod which seemed to burn brighter than the light in his eyes as he came too._

_That's all Stiles knew as he stared intently at the 'M' section of his contacts._

_The feeling of absence filled him. He wanted to feel something about the position he was in but he couldn't. For some reason, an ungodly reason but still a reason, he started to get hopeful that he'd be able to go back and get Lydia back in his life. The hope dwindled into a deep melancholy as he struggled to think of ways he could do so._

_That's when the panic came in, what if Stiles couldn't change what he'd done? The panic lifted its veil to unmask the true culprit, and to no surprise, it was fear. His own horror overwhelmed him as he realised he could have lost one of the closest people in his life due to his own hero complex of saving everyone. It was selfish really to miss someone he now only had memories of alternate realities with._

_So Stiles stared at the screen until it faded to black from lack of use. The truth from what happened when he looked for Jackson flashed in front of him. He was on that field alone with Peter. He was vulnerable with the Alpha._

_Stiles looked at the black screen reflecting his face, reflecting his current reality. It was gutting to see bright blue eyes where his murky brown ones should have been._

-

Stiles had always had an active imagination, that was why his thoughts consumed him. Sometimes the lines between what was real and what was a creation of his over active imagination got a little fuzzy but it was never a massive concern. It was dismissible when he was a child, it was dismissible when battling supernatural creatures (most of dramatically ambiguous thoughts and theories ended up proven). It was an asset to his character. Until he was aware of his feelings. Until recently it seemed like just a personality trait, something that made him who he was. Overtime he sometimes felt like every time he got lost in the whirlpool of his imagination, he lost a part of himself. That with every daydream and every illusion, a small piece of him chipped away. The trouble was that he wasn't even sure if that was true, there would always be a slight part of him that feared he was making up this issue. If it even was an issue.

Illusion versus reality was something that had started beyond the dawn of time. It was bigger than him, bigger than the universe itself because sometimes for people like him, they blurred. It was one thing for them to be frightening on their own but it was terrifying when they merged. Waves of paralysing fear racked Stiles when thinking about it because it meant the barrier between the words had broken. His world felt like a muddled flood. It was easy make anything you want from an illusion but it would take a lot more convincing on reality's part to make it real, to make it reality. Dreams could always find a way to fiddle with the reality of things, dreams based from anything, nothing and everything. Illusions created by his brain to supply his thoughts whilst his body has shut down for sleep. It was easy to open the seal between being asleep and being awake. He could simply get stuck between the two worlds.

So what was he to do now he had proof that reality was fragile?

What defence could he use against the darker thoughts whose only guard was realism?

See it was easy for Stiles' mind to run away, it was hard to catch a small thought before it spiralled. Just as it just had, his thoughts always found a way to make no sense. He liked that though, he found comfort in it.

It's how stiles felt too often, for reasons that were known by everyone by now, it all felt amplified now. He was stuck between whether he was dreaming not because no matter how hard he wanted to believe it, deep down he knew that no amount of pinching or screaming could wake him up from reality and drag him into a perfect illusion.

Right now, he needed a dream, illusion or reality to save him from this haze he couldn't escape. He didn't know why today everything felt so much worse than normal. The adrenaline rush from not knowing spread like wild fire throughout his body. He wanted to be taken by an angel, that seemed to be the only certainty that he would end up somewhere better than where he was at the moment. Uncertainty was his biggest threat, it probably wouldn't change as he grew - if he grew. It was the trigger behind all the fears and thoughts that consumed him. It hurt him because how could anyone tackle the unknown? Impossible.

Stiles was haunted, but haunted didn't sound like the right descriptive word to use out of the millions in existence. However he was able to confirm that both definitions did in fact apply to him.

The first; (of a place) frequented by ghosts.

Stiles was surrounded by them. It wasn't in the literal sense, it was more in the implication or figurative meaning of the word ghost. He was robbed of the average persons vision now all he possessed the ability to travel, not that it was a superpower. No. He learnt it was a curse the first major moment it happened. Stiles liked to say his first time was saving Allison Argent but Stiles wasn't akin to an always honest person. It was the time he realised it was indeed real. Until then he thought he had dreamed the first versions, or dismissed it as deja vu. He knew better now. It sucked to know better but he did.

Anyway, the ghosts that surrounded Stiles were of versions of himself that failed, versions that succeeded, the version that suffered the original timeline. He would look around the loft and see Boyd's death on the flooded ground, penetrated by claws by the force of the Alphas. He would look in the streets and see his friends walking down them with their lips spread wide and eyes shining. Those were the ones that scared him because it showed a life they couldn't regain. With Beacon Hills attracting other worldly attention from reigniting the Nemeton it seemed unlikely to have a sense of normalcy.

The ghost sometimes were what you would expect them to do, they would follow Stiles throughout his day. Creeping up behind him without any acknowledgment until they spoke. When they spoke the words were fierce like tigers hunting their prey. They pried into his greatest fears, reminding him of what he did and mocking what he failed to redeem.

Just ghosts showed in the stories his friends told about them. His ghosts were wrapped up in memories, secrets, dreams and long lost wishes. His ghosts were his hopes of keeping everyone alive but it wouldn’t happen. He learnt that long ago but he refused to fully accept that still. But deep down, deep deep down, he knew it was the case.

Stiles would lie in bed just as he was at the time, and feel his ghosts. He felt Lydia's arms wrapped around him with her face in his chest, her soft voice reminded him over and over and over 'I've got you. I've got you forever.' He felt Malia's arms around him, tracing gentle patterns of comfort into his skin. He felt Derek's calloused fingers running through his hair while his breath hit the back of stiles' neck making every nerve come to life. Some were memories, some were desires, none of them were his current position. It was a slap of his loneliness and the life long sentence he served of never finding someone to feel that intimacy with. The activeness his imagination reached was a punishment, he couldn't be like that with Derek. It couldn't happen. Not when everything was so fucked up. They had the connection, the emotional yerning, god they hadn't even kissed but they had gotten so close to it that it was like they already had. Stiles was a fool to think his development with Derek didn't have attraction laced into its fabric. 

Stiles let this feelings for Derek creep up like a bump in the night. The fact that he knew how he felt at such a time was almost more heartbreaking than not being loved back. No matter what, he wasn't ready to commit his being to another. Everything was scribbled and scrunched. Derek had started to mend himself. Stiles couldn't let himself be a burden more than his whole necklace fiasco already was. Derek had just gotten a handle on caring for himself, it would be selfish for Stiles to making that into a job.

The second; showing signs of mental anguish or torment.

It didn't need explaining how he was plagued with his trauma. Everyone was. Every member of the pack suffered in their own ways. Lydia was terrified of hospitals but would never admit it, she had been a patient too often and had to see so much suffering. She still flinched when people touched her head. Scott often slept with some sort of light on, scared of being blind again. He sometimes would blink rapidly to erase the ache and feeling of his own claws tearing at them. Derek ran from fire, heat even made his heart beat faster. The loft was often cold, any sort of heating turned off. He refused to let new people in, keeping the ones around him close and protected them endlessly. Jackson would pierce his claws into his palms to remind himself only he was in control of himself. Everyone had something, so Stiles felt okay with his own traumatic experiences. Except, he wasn't sure what the current people that stood in the places of the original pack members felt. the main difference was that everyone managed. They got woke up and got dressed to face their days leaving their torment behind to face the day. Some got therapy, some found other outlets. But at the end of the day they all found their ways of coping which made stiles feel behind in the race of normalcy. They, realistically, may never even win the chance to do so but it was always calming to know there was a chance of it. Even if it wasn’t true. To him they were his friends, of course they were, but they were equally his foe. He couldn't ignore how they all seemed to be imposters of themselves. But they were them, so he felt ridiculous.

Stiles was laying in his temporary bed in the loft, he wasn't sleeping but rather breathing slow and being as still as possible. Sometimes doing this worked to trick his brain into thinking he was asleep. Sometimes. Derek had put a clock on the opposite wall the bed was against, it was a small thing that made Stiles feel like he meant so so much. It helped him because as the quietly deafening ticks filled the room he counted along with them. Every time he got to 1,800 he checked the clock, making sure half an hour had indeed passed exactly as it should've. It was working. Thanks to Derek he had an easier method of grounding himself. He had another anchor. Stiles thought to when Derek vowed to help anchor him and it was true, he was doing it in small typically Derek ways.

Stiles had just started to feel the lull of sleep when he was woken up by shouts and bangs. He jerked up silently, heart not even beating more than it should be. It was just past 3am which was strange. Normally the Hales (well since Stiles had been there) were asleep.

Careful not to arouse attention to himself, Stiles crept to the top of the spiral staircase to sneak a peak at the disturbance. Cora and Derek were pacing, occasionally looking at each other to take comfort in the others matching expression. They were at their whits end with something. Staring at the pacing gales was Liam and Scott. The alpha and first beta were pale, still and their faces stoney. It had been so long since stiles had seen Scott look that way and it actually sent warning bells off. Jackson was in the middle of both pairs, on the opposite side was Malia. Both held concerned expressions mixed with frustration. Stiles squinted, debating if he should just make his presence known but didn't get a change to wonder as Cora started muttering.

"How do we even get him to tell us what happened?" She asked the group around her, all of their heads looked in her direction with a variety of emotions.

"You realise who we're talking about right?" Malia deadpanned with a raised eyebrow. Derek turned slightly away from them, facial features out of Stiles' view. Stiles frowned wondering who they were talking about. His paranoia whispered exactly who but until he had confirmation he resisted listening to it.

"He might-" Scott started but Malia cut him off instantly.

"Scott this is the same guy that broke up with me rather than admit about Donovon, even after finding out I knew but didn't care."

"That's different though, Theo was in his head." Derek defended encouraged by Scott's eager gesture of agreement.

"No Theo was in Scott's. He still hasn't told anyone what happened the night I died and came back." Jackson corrected. They all stopped to think about it and stiles felt his heartbeat pick up, he thanked whatever was above him that they all seemed to engrossed in conversation to notice him.

"He was attacked by the rivalling team." Scott defended himself although everyone, even stiles who was at a far distance, could see that he'd started to second guess it.

Malia let out a frustrated low cry and rolled her eyes, "God how have you both stayed friends?"

"Theres someone he's opened up to though." Liam said changing the subject quickly.

"Who?"

It was then stiles decided he didn't want to hear anymore, he faked a noise to indicate he'd just woken up and walked in the circle with varied levels of noise. He started to walk downstairs.

Immediately the conversation stopped and all eyes dug into where stiles was descending the stairs.

"Hey." Scott greeted instantly while slowly walking towards him. Stiles smiled tiredly.

"What's going on?" He asked, improving a rub of his eyes with his fist hoping they brought into the act. Seemingly they did, well it was hard for him too tell. He felt deeply into his act that he genuinely felt tired the more he continued. This nuance act disturbed his senses so he wasn’t too sure.

Scott began to give a brief overview of what happened to himself and Liam, "We were attacked, I called Derek and malia heard me come it. I don't know about Jackson but Cora must have heard Derek." Scott caught Stiles up whilst Liam bobbed his head mindlessly in agreement. Stiles frowned, taken aback slightly. He had no idea.

"What happened? Are you guys okay?"

"Something in the woods tried to like suck our souls out or something." Liam complained.

"Like a dementor? Are you saying a dementor attacked you?"

"Like Harry Potter?" Cora wondered. Stiles had a habit of forgetting other presences when engaged in intense short conversations with less than a few people, it showed. He forgot Cora and Derek were even there.

"A dementor did not, repeat not, attack us!" Scott sighed.

"Hey if the description matches the suspect, you bring them in for questioning!" Stiles defended adamantly.

"Theres something I cant stop thinking about." Malia, once again, interjected. Stiles couldn’t help but notice how much she did that in this timeline.

"What?" Derek prompted eagerly in a bid to get the off topic ness out the way.

"Stiles you said Theo tried to get 'Void Stiles'. I thought you meant you when you were possessed but thats not it, is it?" Malia continued thoughtfully. Silence fell heavily within the loft walls once again. The loft wasn’t used to the depth of the silence yet as one like this one hadn’t become within it for a long time.

"I forgot about that." Scott admitted in barely a whisper and Stiles had to bit down hard on his tongue to not reply 'figures'.

"You've never mentioned what happened with you and Theo much, so what did?" Cora asked curiously. It was a question most of the pack had kept in as not to disrupt the walls built weakly around Stiles. It was a question that had always been in need of an answer.

"I've said how he wanted everyone bar Scott in his pack, he wanted me too but 'void' me." Stiles admitted, peaking most of their interests even though it was clear they tried to hide that fact.

"Void you is separate to the Nogitsune isn't it? You always refer to yourself as possessed or nogistune if you talk about it. It's a purposeful distinction." Derek concluded. Stiles smiled gently to him, pleased that it was him that understood. But of course it was Derek. Derek would always get it.

"It is, Theo never referred to them as the same thing."

"Whats the difference?" Liam weighed in with interest. If it wasn’t for the pure inquisition in his voice than stiles would have been offended.

"Well void is like that part the nogistune left behind right? The dark parts of him that got brought to the surface." Scott spoke suddenly wiser than his years. The years and years of mental anguish rose to his skin.

"Maybe thats why you're reacting to the necklace this way, because it's taking advantage of your 'void'." Jackson thought out loud, another silence like the one before fell. This time it was shorter.

"Should we ask Deaton?" Cora questioned. It was aiming towards being helpful but really it just made everyone’s stomached tense and hearts beat irregularly.

"Why do we have to rely on him with everything? Isn't there any other way to go about things?" Stiles groaned, fed to the heavens up with having to always go to the old veterinarian.

"He's right, we can do it ourselves. Besides, Deaton's gone to visit some connections to find out more about the necklace, he's really rattled by it." Jackson replied. It was worrying, that was clear. It shook everyone up to think about the calm man feeling the same as them, feeling lost.

-

_Factors and theories tarnished where once innocent thoughts had laid. However, this night was different - tonight there was a pull tugging at his mind. A pull towards doing anything except for sleeping. It kept him awake. Usually he would ignore it, putting it down to something ridiculous like the world being cruel and painting everything around him as black as the night sky that enveloped the furniture. But as suddenly as the darkness penetrated around him, he felt small. He felt small compare to the illuminating moon that somehow - somehow brought a light to what should be the darkest hour. Stiles felt an inch in his limbs, an urge to just move, to do something. Maybe he just needed to escape from the painfully familiar surroundings he endured for most hours in the day now that he didn't have the FBI to go to. It made him feel almost useless - almost._

_It was as if Stiles was in a dreamlike state, a vivid lucid dream. Trying to wake seemed unnecessary as he knew no matter how much he pinched himself - no matter how much he screamed he wouldn't wake up from the thick reality around him. It was as if hands were on him. gripping his legs. Gripping his waist. Gripping his arms. Keeping him in the illusive state._

_As if it were too hard to do, Stiles grunted as he looked out the window beside his bed. The lights dimmed as clouds defensively covered the moon - yet the silhouette of the forest by his fathers house stood proud, still shining from the dim echo of light. With a sudden strength, he raised himself from his web of comforters and walked down the shared hallway and to the door. An internal urge to just leave - to run - overcoming him. His brain tried to rationalise body gave into the instinct._

_Stiles was greeted with cold air which turned to hot as his air conditioning kicked in. Soon he was driving. He wanted to find the necklace again. He had an urge, a controlling need to see if it was still there after seeing it only a week or so ago._

_Once arriving the same Forrest from before, stiles started the walk into the evergreen. His cheeks flushed with the pinpricks of ice and his hand shook, as did his breath with each inhalation. Logically he knew he should not be here.Snaps and crispy crunches were all that could be heard across the sea off trees.He knew the stories, of course he did, everyone in the world had grown up with ghost stories. The main aspect of them all was easily the only constant within the ever-changing whispers of gossip in the world. Well the details of the tails changed, the story of the woods remained. Because most of the haunting tales were ones that took place in trees. Granted the tales differed slightly with each telling but the concept was always the same. Stiles remembered dear as day his mother and father giving a stern warning to his more youthful self. He was told to never go into the preserve without a guardian. It was funny that now he ran towards the Preserve at home, hoping to find the dangerous beasts he was always warned of._

_As a child the concept of death is foreign, their small bodies being too full of wonder and naivety to appreciate such a cruel reality. With hopes and dreams scattering their arms and legs, it seemed almost evil to tell them stories with the intent of fear with such honesty. There is (of course) an age where that changes. Just like when you're asked what you wanted to be when you grew up. By 12 you're too old to answer something like a princess or astronaut as age requires one to have a more pragmatic outlook. Like becoming a doctor, of course some still sort more idealistic goals like movie stars or wrestlers but there was more of a grip to reality.The ghost stories almost force kids to take a strong grip too soon - too young. Stiles remembers, when back in his nursery days, Scott had answered the dreadfully packed questions of their adulthood by saying he didn't care what he became, as long as he had made a difference. Stiles had always thought it was a less conceded way of saying he wanted to be a hero. But stiles was so[amored ](http://www.apple.com)by the passion of the crooked jawed child that was so god damned sincere that he knew the boy would be someone worth being friends with. Yet Stiles also remembers thinking, even at such a young age, whether the concept of heroes even existed or if it was just a fairy tale._

_Maybe from overthinking the idea, maybe it was from being in the words but something caused him to almost physically flashback to when his mother took his hand and warned him ; "Don't go into the woods at night you know what happens to people that do so"_

_Now every parent, in fact every adult, had heard a different versions of the warnings. Beacon Hills wasn't quiet about its ever growing murder count. So it was a social normality to scare children into being sensible._

_The children would talk at school about the versions they heard. Some claimed the supernatural. some claimed Beacon Hills was overrun by a cult - frankly some versions werea little too fanciful. But most kept to the concept that sometimes people died in the town forcefully.Everyone agreed it was an abnormal affair yet the cause was a mystery. In fact if Stiles hadn't learnt about the hidden world of the supernatural then he would most likely be one of the citizens creating theories. Nobody gave it too much thought in the end,not much other than to scare children into submission, when all they wanted to do was explore with the eyes of a dove. After all they were born, expelled from a safe sanctuary filled with enough love to drown the world over and over._

_The longer Stiles looked around him, the more the vivid lighting around him seem to dim as his ears sharpened. A brisk breeze interrupted the once quiet setting around him and he was convinced that his fingers would turn to stone. Whilst debating in his head what his next course of action would be now that the instinctive adrenaline had worn off, a sharp snap rang. bouncing off the surrounding trees. Stiles' eyes darted while his body stilled, as if finally freezing. nothing moved. The trees stood still, stiller than they should have been considering it was a windy night. not a sound. not a movement. not even a change in atmosphere as Stiles still stood on high alert. a shuddered breath. no it was just Stiles'. he almost felt like an idiot for mistaking it for someone else's. additionally he was pretty sure it was him that had snapped the stick;_

_"and the sudden paranoia is a clear sign that i should head back." he grumbled, sticking his hands into his pocket with a little more aggression than needed._

_"talking to yourself isn't going to convince anyone you're less crazy." There, in that moment Stiles felt his heart twist, as if his lungs were strangling it. An unfamiliar voice that made his fingers slip while trying to make a fist in his palm.he whipped around, but before even his mind could catch up and process, his feet kicked into autopilot and sprinted where he came from._

_when he was back in his room he felt at ease but the feeling of someone being with him didn't falter, it increased in a petrifying way because here he was supposed to feel safe, but he didn't. Without even taking his shoes off he collapsed on his bed, strangely the feeling of being watched started to feel comfortable. It made breathing easier and the tightening in his chest loosen. Until the feeling of being watched disappeared and he was alone. The emptiness consumed him like darkness, nothing felt whole. a part of him had died but he didn't know what part - not yet. it was a question of what within him was alive and what had deceased. he didn't know; he wanted to know. it was when he was alone that these types of thought crept on him, they saw their chance when he was alone and they clung like knives. it was an unfortunate feeling - feeling like it was him against the night but it was all he knew. in the end nobody was there, just the black tinges of his room and his mind. that was all it would be until the end. nothing felt whole, nothing felt real. there was an uneasy feeling. in his room it felt normal apart from the silent whoops of the wind and the cold dreaded feeling in his bones. he didn't belong here yet he had nowhere else he felt he belonged. the only sounds in the cold, empty house were his fathers feathery snores. it was the only familiarity in there. that's what he fell asleep to, the soft yet harsh inhale and exhale of his fathers snores from another room. but he felt as if the breathes were next to him._

-

The more stiles was left alone, the more he considered his reality. The supernatural part of their lives was shown in shivers of weakness. It cemented itself into the weakest part of each pack members and tore away and their sanity unforgivingly. There is no attack strong enough to truly save someone from things so out of reason, so out of this world, and the sooner it was realised, the sooner they could be saved.

-

_"We got the results back from your psychiatrist." Mr Jostley sighed and Stiles' hope fell to the abyss. The jostling outside the office fell silent. That's all he heard, the silence. His ears ached as his bosses voice was screaming in his drums, vibrating too much and serrated edges._

_"They're not good are they?" Stiles croaked out, throat suddenly sore and clumping. His tried to gulp down his awareness of his own failure but it was useless._

_"I'm sorry Mr Stilinski, we think it's best if we revoke you of your position." Mr Jostley said it as if the bitter sounding words swirling on his tongue left a sour taste. His grimace was evident, he seemed sad to have to do it. Stiles could see that, he wasn't too lost with himself to believe everyone was faking their emotions. He appreciated the position the man was given, firing someone wasn't easy and he knew he was an asset to the business._

_"Please don't, I like this job. I love it in fact." Stiles pleaded but something was off, the words felt like imposter sounds. He had to consider if he was actually gutted about the development. Truth be told he expected it. But it was the kind of expectation that you think is far fetched, the worst case scenario, the one you convince yourself you're being dramatic about but in your heart you accept it's the most likely outcome. Stiles wasn't certain if he was disappointed in himself for not being able to do something he thought he always wanted, or if he was scared to have to tell the people in his life. Everyone was so proud of him for his career path and now it was gone. Swept away under the rug to rot and ferment into the floorboards._

_"Listen you've been an amazing addition, we'd even love to have you back once you're given clearance. But until then my hands are tied."_

-

It was early in the morning when the call came in to allow their visit to the morgue from Melissa. Stiles got a call from Scott asking for his company to visit. Both boys met before going down to the hospital where they met the woman. She ushered them quickly and silently through the halls, trying to not draw attention to the way she was leading two boys into one of the most confidential parts of the building. Stiles spent most of the walk with his head down, not because he was trying too seem inconspicuous but more towards trying to block out every vivid memory of his past. Around every corner was a past haunting trying to gain his attention. So far, they failed.

As soon as the door opened Stiles was hit with deja vu. He remembered the moment Scott and himself looked at the sacrifices victims bodies, concluding it was in fact a ritual. Stiles had to physically blink away the images of the sacrifices, the picture of heathers dead body on the cold metal slab with her eyes pinned and jaw wired shut. It was just as painful to remember as it was to be in the moment. All bodies belonging to people who deserved a future.

The bodies that rested on the same slab those victims from every supernatural attack before were the for the same reason. The supernatural. All unfair reasons. There were four, one found for every day of that week so far. All in the same way as the other. The identical parts of the bodies felt icy in Stiles’ veins, the ritualistic inkling about them was evident and unable to be ignored. Stiles felt Scott looking at him before he even turned. The alpha was clearly reminded of the same things. Anyone in their position would have been.

Melissa explained to the boys how all victims had been drained of every bodily fluid within them. From their blood to their cerebral fluid. Their eyes were wide open allegedly, as much as the morticians tried, the pins that would normally hold the eyelid shut but broke instantly forcing the empty bodies to forever stare ahead white white eyes. Their mouths and faces were contorted into an also comical screamstiles could also hear their petrified high wails in his ears the longer he looked. What was strange was that there was a bruising around their mouths. Like they had been screaming so loud and aggressively that it popped their blood vessels in their face. And yet they had no blood in them, so the question of how the bruising was even possible was raised.

Stiles finally looked back at Scott, the expression of bewilderment was matching each other’s.

“What the hell.” Scott managed.

What the hell indeed, Stiles thought back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya liked, let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> TIMELINE
> 
> November 2018:  
> Lydia and stiles realise the romance has died out
> 
> 2nd February 2019:  
> Lydia and stiles have a fight, stiles goes back to beacon hills
> 
> 5th - 7th February 2019:  
> Derek and stiles bond
> 
> 8th February 2019:  
> Derek takes stiles to airport
> 
> 18th April 2019:  
> Lydia and stiles break up
> 
> 3rd July 2019:  
> stiles has hallucination flashback of Allisons death but changes events
> 
> 4th July 2019:  
> group skypes session with pack, realises Aiden and Allison are alive
> 
> 25th December 2019:  
> Stiles, Melissa, Noah and Scott spend Christmas together.
> 
> 3rd January 2020:  
> Pack BBQ
> 
> 4th January 2020:  
> stiles contemplates new phone, has fight with Derek
> 
> 4th January 2020:  
> stiles decides to get new phone, Derek comes over
> 
> 5th January 2020:  
> Lydia comes over to for answers
> 
> 6th January 2020:  
> Derek and Cora come over and Noah, stiles and them have dinner together
> 
> 8th January 2020:  
> Scott comes over with Allison and tell stiles that she's pregnant


End file.
